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I am having quite a terrible lower back pain, on my right hand side. It started yesterday morning. It was so difficult to get out of the car or move as I would like to. I couldn’t carry the kids or bend down. I don’t know what’s wrong. This has really affecting my mood.
During lunch yesterday, my friends said I should do a medical check up as soon as possible. Actually I am also due for the pap smear test and I need to do the mammogram.
Somehow a topic of a mutual girl friend of around the same age came up. She died last couple of years due to cancer. She left two very young children, the youngest at the time was only 3 or 4 years old. Every time people talked about her, because I knew her, I became very very sad. Yesterday the sadness was accompanied with fear. Fear about my own children if anything was to happen to me. Who’s going to take care of them, plan for them, educate and bring them up? Most importantly who’s going to look into their eyes with tenderness and love, kiss them and smell them, stroke their head softly, share the pillow as they sleep, affirm them, tolerate their whinings and moanings, and talk nothing with them? Who’s going to put them first before herself? Their delicate age frightens me. The thoughts carried over to last night, I couldn’t sleep. Yesterday I looked at them, Emir’s good look and Fatini’s delicate features. So innocent and unassuming! They have really become my pride and joy. Never I knew that life has become this meaningful!
May Allah protect and give me, husband and my children good health, and I pray that my husband and I will live long enough to see our children grow up and become independent.
