My hopes

My children Fatini and Emir are always together. They are very close and one will never go anywhere without the other. Without Mommy, they will go out with their daddy and vice versa but never without each other. Well, they do fight but they laughed together more and seemed to share everything. They played, ate, fought and went everywhere together. Attended the same classes and go to the same school. They are always looking for each other, day and night. It is my utmost hope that they will continue to be very close, to love and look after each other even after I am long gone.

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Learning

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Fatini in all black studying the Muqaddam at the night class.

Busy, busy ...

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Emir was busy painting his Deepavali light cup.

My girl is cleaning up the house

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Don’t tire yourself, sayang…

My Mommy cut my hair

I’d always have problems with Fatini’s hair. It’s nice, thick and beautiful but she didn’t want to tie it or any hair clips I put didn’t remain on the hair very long. She didn’t like it. So most of the times, her hair will be covering half of her face. He friend Su Zu had shorter hair and recently wanting to be the same as her friend she had been begging me to have her hair cut shorter. At her age, she already is influenced by friend’s style. What when she’s 15! So Friday night last week I took out a scissor and snip, snip…. I looked at the hair that I cut, so much …. What a shame to cut the hair. However she turned out not bad…. She was so happy and she thought her new hair was so beautiful.

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Help !!!!

Fatini has been nagging me she wants a baby sister. I think she’s had enough of her baby brother. The other day she asked me whether I had a baby sister in my tummy. To answer her, I said, No, but I’ll go to the hospital and get a baby sister for you. Well it was a wrong answer because after which day after day she kept on asking me when am I going to the hospital to pick up the baby sister. She even had a name for “her”. Lastly I had an answer to stall her, Oh! The doctor had taken the baby to his home, I need to find another hospital first and find another baby sister for you. I am thinking, alamak…. do I have to adopt a baby girl hah …?????

It's no more holiday !

So I am back at work now, back to routine. I had taken the whole week off. What a break that was! The lower back pain I complaint about surprisingly is completely gone. In fact I forgot all about it. Not even a twinge felt now. I guess it was caused by the stress at work and perhaps the daily driving to and from work. All I needed was a break. Before I had tortured myself with thoughts of 1001 chronic illnesses that may have caused the pain. I even suffered some morbid thoughts. Now it’s gone just like that!

(well, just let you know, this morning when I woke up I felt pain in another spot, which is my right upper back, must be because I am back to work)

The holiday was a great time for me. I have always cherished these kinds of little break because it means I spent every minute of the whole week with my kids and husband. Not really attending them 100% of the time but having them around near me 100% of the time! That never happened during other times when we met up only at night and that is for a couple of hours only before we went for slumber. I also enjoyed the time spent with my in-laws. They are great people, I have been so lucky. (Ni in case diaorang baca la ni…he he )

Actually I was supposed to be in the office on Monday. That was the plan. But we started the journey back home a few hours late. We arrived home at 2.30 am on Monday so by the time I was to get ready to work I was still too sleepy to even force myself up. I felt so terrible having to wake up. I continued sleeping thinking maybe I just woke up late that day and went to the office later than usual. It was the first day back to work so people should be most forgiving if I were late. But after I forced myself up and started cleaning the house and cooking for my kids, and later when the children woke up, time just flew by I didn’t realize Monday was ending. So Monday was spent totally at home.

Later on Monday evening, my mother and sister’s family dropped by before they went back  to Melaka. They were in KL sending my niece back to college. My children were excited when they came, Emir as usual started being funny. Unlucky for him, in his excitement he knocked on the dining table edge while trying to pick up a ball from under the table. Due to his energy it was quite a hard thud. Poor my Emir, he was crying so hard due to the pain. My heart went out to him. It left him a swollen and blue black eye. It got me worried for a while. He also scratched himself bad on the legs because of itchiness due to some tickly insect bites he got from kampong. So he had all these little lesions here and there on which I put some Gamat oil to heal.

So Tuesday I had to start work. It was so depressing having to wake up early and go to work again. Holiday was really over. Anyway when I got back to work, the socializing with friends also started. It was not bad but for every lunch there was a get together I am beginning to worry about putting on the weight back. Please… no more ….I got a new diet plan now which I am trying starting now. Nothing extreme. Just reorganizing what to eat.  Now it’s Thursday and this weekend I am going back to Melaka.

Potret HariRaya

Malam Raya di Kampung

Bring back memories of childhood. It took nothing to get the children to be so engrossed. Main api sesama sepupu. Lantak lah budak2… bagi can setahun sekali… In a while Fatini came to me… Mommy! Mommy! Abang put fire on the frog…! (Yuck! Gross!)

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Superman di malam tujuh likur

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Scene at our front porch a couple of nights before Raya. They were so excited to play. Ended up, Emir touched the hot flaming part of the firework. Expectedly his touch reflex was slow and the hot steel burned his hand between the thumb and index finger to my profund distress. Left a terrible mark.

Bicara Hati di Aidil Fitri

Menjelang aidil fitri

Aku kesunyian disini

Sedih pilu sekali

Entah mengapa sungguh hairan

Rasa tak kesampaian

Sesuatu telah hilang

Ku duduk pinggir sendiri

Menghitung hari

Memikir diri

Bukan kah sepatutnya hari ini

Gembira datang dihati

Kerana Syawal kan hampir mejelang

Semua menyambut riang!

Jadi mengapa aku masih sebak dihati?

Rasa kekosongan diri

Ada hajat tak sampai?

Atau tak puas di hati?

Wahai Ramadhan

Pergi engkau sekali lagi

Meninggal kan diri ini

Serupa seperti dulu

Entah mengapa

Rasa tak kesampaian

Sesuatu telah hilang

(end)

SELAMAT HARI RAYA

kepada semua pembaca budiman tak kira siapa, dimana jua berada.

Ampun maaf dipinta

Tersalah kata-kata

Pena ini dari hati

Kadang kala tenang

Kadangnya gusar

Kepada ibubapa ku

Ampun kan dosa

Minta halal makan dan minum

Terima kasih atas budimu

Kepada suamiku

Engkaulah sandaranku

Temanku dalam kehidupan

Ampunkan dosaku dan halalkan

Segalanya

Aku hanyalah isteri biasa

Kepada anak2 ku

Maafkan ibumu yang kekurangan

Kesilapan seorang ibu

Mohon tuhan lindungi kalian

Chain of Love

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When I was small, I remember one of my parents’ passions was to buy golds for me and my sister. It was hard time for them not having money but they still invested in these presents. As a result, I remember the happiness of wearing them, the talks between my parents and the wonder of these little bright golden metals hanging beautifully down my neck. I was so proud of wearing them.

So that passion has transferred to me. This year I bought Fatini a bracelet, I didn’t buy it actually. I took my old rings I bought myself a few years back, sold them and got a nice bracelet for my daughter.

Fatini, my little gift for you to brighten up your early memory of HariRaya.

What would I do without you

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Fatini is emotionally very close to me. I can see it in her actions, her tantrums, her wants and needs. And most of all her demands on me, my presence and my affirmations on her feelings. Sometimes I look at this little girl of mine, she’s so cute with beautiful eyes she got from her daddy, pinkish cheeks and soft features and yet she’s so sensitive and the feelings she expressed mirrors a thinking that is matured beyond her tender years. Often I was surprised by her remarks, talks and actions. Frequently she drove me up the wall with her emotional demand but repeatedly and consistently she melts my heart as swiftly.

She is a kid nevertheless experiencing childhood. Wanting a mom’s presence, hovering between independence and fear of abandonment.  Contemplating between childish needs and taught logic. Hoping for a mother’s patience, tolerance and understanding. And I am still learning to be a mother.

Happier times

We went back to my parents home last weekend. Fatini and Emir enjoying their regular kampong activities and with cousins Sara and Uzma. Main-gaduh-main-gaduh.

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(sorry, seen squatting in picture is my maid)

Ramadhan and HariRaya - what's up?

It is the 16^th day of puasa. So far I have been cooking everyday (thank you, thank you for any compliment! Perasan lagi. ). We have not eaten out or bought any food from the Ramadhan Bazaar. Everyday I have to come out with ideas of the evening menu. As soon as I reached home I would rush to prepare for my cooking. It’s a bit of a sprint but it’s not difficult for me. I love doing those cooking since my husband shares the meals everyday at home and as long as there’s somebody else (the maid lah…) doing the cleaning afterwards.

Yesterday I got back home a little late and upon arriving home Emir having just woken up from his nap was cranky and refused to separate from me. So I had no choice, due to this emergency situation, I had to bring him into the kitchen, my left hand carrying him on my hip and my right hand doing the cooking and stirring. Luckily I am not Britney Spears or I would lose child custody for cooking with a child in the arm.

I heard that the food sold at the Bazaar is very expensive, I am glad I don’t contribute to the “demand” on the cooked food at the Bazaar. The break fast meals or buffet offered outside at many restaurants and hotels are also way very expensive. We managed to say NO! to the food extravaganza. We save the money to buy clothes for Baju Raya instead. That’s why I can spend more on Baju Raya than you guys, just kidding…Save here, spend there ;-)

This year, Hari Raya will be spent at my in-laws up north. My sister in law is getting married right after Hariraya (why choose HariRaya for wedding, don’t ask me…) so I will stay there for a few days. Therefore I will not be able to spend the HariRaya with my parents and siblings especially with my two brothers as they will be leaving Malaysia a few days after HariRaya. It’s very difficult to have a full get together with my siblings during Hariraya or at any times for that matter. Somebody is always not there. This year when they all will be at my parents, it’s me who won’t be there. Hmmm, I miss the get together. I really love it when everybody can be home at the same time. My parents would be so happy.

This weekend I will be visiting my parents to spend the buka puasa with them and trying to make up for my upcoming absence. Hopefully I will also see my siblings there.

Matters of the Heart

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Last night as I scanned the channel, I stopped to watch Oprah because she was interviewing the Seal and Heidi Klum couple. One thing that intrigued me was that Seal told the audience that he believes the secret to a happy family is Wife First, Family Second. Happy wife makes Happy Life and Happy family. It just dawned on me how true that statement is! I mean this is the secret isn’t it? Few men get this and only those who’s wise enough know the bliss. I am not being impartial here because I am a woman/wife. But logically, no wonder that so much has been stressed on good treatment towards wife by the Koran.

We women, we have something that is so big yet so weak. So what is it? It’s none other that the heart, spelled H.E.A.R.T. It can expand to no limit with love and willing to sacrifice when needed be.  You win a woman’s heart you will get everything you wish for.

We are the blessed ones whose hearts belong to our husbands.