Life's a cycle

Both my parents stay in my home town. My father is ill, have been bed ridden for more than a year now. I feel helpless as far as he is concern. Unable to help. Don’t know what else to do. I should have been there more often. He doesn’t even talk anymore. He doesn’t seem to care for anything anymore. I feel so sad when I think about it. It’s hard for me to see him like that. I pray God for his health. We have a nurse come in every single day to check on his condition. My siblings and I decided to maintain the nurse visit for every single day.

My mother is getting old. She’s already past early 60s. I know she feels lonely at times. She complained so to me. Not much to do she said. When I called her sometimes she said nobody was at home. Just her and my father. We gave her a maid to help her with the house and with my father so that she doesn’t feel too stressed. Having the nurse daily for her referral also makes her less worried.

When we were children, our parents were like us now. Healthy, strong and capable. Busy managing family and work. One day they became old. And we were left with memories of happier times with them. And one day we’ll be like them. Older and counting days. Missing our children who are adults and seldom home. Life is really a cycle.

Lazy?

I had this conversation in bed last night....

Fatini: Mommy, Papa is lazy ...
Me: What, sayang? (am i hearing this correctly?)
Fatini: Papa is so lazy ...
Me: (Sigh, where did she pick up this word?) Why do you say that kakak?
Fatini: Papa is so lazy to come home, He is sleeping at work!
Me: (Oh, ok, she missed her daddy) Papa's workplace is too far away he has to sleep there.

My husband was outstation.

Wrong timing

People say

1. what will go wrong, will go wrong or something to that effect!
2. if something is to go wrong, it will go wrong at the wrong time

So it was destined that last night had something like that in store for me. I had a flat tyre in the middle of the highway. The highway was jammed due to the football match between Malaysia and Chelsea which was to happen at the time at the Shah Alam Stadium. My husband was outstation. It was getting dark. I had my two kids with me. One was sleeping (thank God) the other was crying. I was feeling a bit scared, especially for the kids.

I called AAM (the emergency assist) which arrived 2 hours after I called. I called my sister in law, thanks Intan, who offered to come and take the kids home. I called my husband and made him feel guilty for being away.

Finally I managed to get home at 9.40 pm to see the kids were happily playing with their cousins and my sis in law engrossed in the Malay drama on TV.

What a night!

Goodbye old school

Yesterday, I went to Fatini's kindy which is currently closed for holiday to give a withdrawal notice. I made a decision to move Fatini out of this school which she attended from last year because it was too hard for her to commute too far everyday. She will now join the Kindy where Emir is attending now. It will be the same place as the day care centre.
So all the children movement is completed now, I hope.
Fatini and Emir like the new place where they are attending for almost a month now. When I asked them, do you like Aunty Shirley's place, Emir said " yesh!" (that is his Yes!). So was Fatini. They have lots of friends their age and enough activities to keep them occupied during the day. They are now learning languages English, Mandarin and Malay. Emir has stopped his biting and scratching others. He did it the first week and then stopped completely. He didn't even bite me anymore. Mummy miss your love bites Emir!

Sunday activity

Last Sunday i brought my kids to a friend's daughter birthday party. My children are always excited to attend parties. At this party the organizer had interesting activities lined up to keep the kids busy while parents chatted up with each other. Seen here Fatini dressed up as a pink fairy. She and Emir participated earnestly in the clay painting activity and birthday girl Irina in the last picture 2nd from right.

How time flies

Absent minded or just old age cathcing up? I brought the wrong handbag to work today, therefore left all the usual junk at home. And I missed my junk. Luckiy the purse and the handphone was not in the other bag.

I am always guilty of being absent minded. Always thinking of what to do next or otherwise think about the past events. So my mind is always busy but not on the present matter (except when i am working offcourse). Actually it's a time that flies by unnoticed. It's too late when suddenly you noticed hours have gone by, or "what! it's friday already. So fast!"

I have read somewhere that if you caught youself being absent minded, try to focus on your breathing for a while, it will bring you back to the present time which is the real time. So i try to follow that advice even though it sounds foolish. It's especially important when dealing with your kids. Because you want to give 100% attention to your kids when they are communicating with you. Not to pretend to listen to them but your mind is busy plotting and planning something else to do or to say. (I am always guilty of that too.)

I called my mom yesterday and she told me my brother was going back to his "desert" already. What? Is it 2 weeks already since he arrived home. I didn't even manage to ask him to come by for dinner. Well, bro, next time ok? See how time flies...?

Want to avoid those wrinkles?

Food that can make you look young (awet muda) but also will give you the glow (seri muka). Come on, lets start eat these everyday!

1. water - I guess everybody knows this already except never practise it
2. milk - I have this everyday in my coffee, does that count?
3. yogurt - good for digestion
4. Vitamin C – fight infection
5. Green tea - antioxidant guys…awet muda
6. essential fatty acids - You need fat to plump up the cells and thus reduce wrinkles
7. garlic - be happy if it’s already in your cooking, not only it kills bacteria but it is also an antioxidant
8. Chocolate!!! – my, my… how wonderful!. So now you have a valid excuse why you must indulge in that chocolate cake yah!
9. Green vege- common sense, think why you force your kids to eat them, same applies to you
10. Soy – that’s why we eat/drink so much soy when we are pregnant

Increment?

Thanks boss... but sir, err... I don't want to be seemed ungrateful... but... actually... errr, the inflation rate this year is more than double than last year, and the interest rate is also following suit, so my net increment is actually negative.... but I'm still grateful for the said increment ....

My dearest nieces and nephews

Faizah/Nadirah/Haziq/Ridhwan/Nurul

Listen to me ….

If somebody ever breaks your heart
Cry your heart out for a day
But don’t think it’s the end of the world
Coz it's not!
Believe me there’s so many good persons out there
Just waiting to get to know you
So don’t despair
Life goes on

If you ever fail to achieve your ambition
Reflect all your mistakes
Then forget them quickly
But don’t think it’s the end of the world
Coz it’s not!
Believe me there’s so much more opportunities out there
Awaits you to embrace
So don’t despair
Life goes on

If ever a friend say something that hurt your feelings
Feel sad for a while
Then leave it as it is
But don’t think it’s the end of the world
Coz it’s not!
Believe me the hurting words are not intended
Friends forgive and forget
So don’t despair
Life goes on

If ever you feel empty and unloved
Weep if you want for a while
Tell yourselves it’s not true
But don’t think it’s the end of the world
Coz it’s not!
Believe me negative feelings are false
They are fleeting and they will go
Family and friends are with you forever to stay
So don’t despair
Life goes on

Why oh why ...

My daughter is very sweet but sometimes she likes to whine and whine which sometimes makes my blood soars to another degree. So last night she whined again about her Princess Sticker Book which she had misplaced. Asked me to look for it. It’s been two days since she has missed the book. I tried to be patient and asked her where she has put the book, off course she didn’t know where and her expectation was I should look for it. So I looked for the book again. Okay, but the whining progressing to crying and was starting to drive me up the wall. That’s when I raised my voice and told her off. My reaction stunned her to silence which immediately followed by waves of my own regrets and guilt. Why did I do that? Why can’t I just bear and go through the whining until it disappeared by itself. It won’t be long. How long can she cry? Two minutes after she said happily” it’s okay mommy, now I remember it’s in daddy’s car”. I wished I hadn’t scolded her.

My pride

My supergirl at work.

Mini home library

After buying the children books, and picking up the older books whichever are still intact, i managed to set up a mini library for my children at home. I used the small study room upstairs where I already have book racks which kept other books. This will be temporary arrangement for them before i manage to buy a more suitable smaller book rack for them.

The plan will be to add more books from time to time. My children has started to use the library in fact have learned to put back the books on the shelve after they finished with them. I have labelled each book for easy monitoring so that they don't get lost somewhere.

My niece

I have a few nieces and nephews , the closest to me was the eldest Faizah. Maybe we were very similar in lots of ways, maybe i feel somewhat responsible towards her as she has gone through many difficulties unlike her other posh friends who had lived in more leisure life. Even I did not go through what she had gone through.

She is sweet, soemtimes takes things too seriously, sometimes too lightly. She's hardworking and has turned out to be a very responsible individual which made me proud when observing her. She's very close to my mum her grandmother.

She's now 18 at the age of having a wonderful time of her life. Her family is also back in Malaysia.
Throughout her upbring, as her parents had stayed overseas and she went to school in the kampung, I had spoilt her rotten and equally had scolded her uncounted time and gave her lectures after lectures when i thought she misbehaved or out of line.
All my friends, old and new, know her by name, as i had included her in my conversations from time to time. She is taking her important exam soon and I really wish to see her successful in her life.

Japanese delights

My friends (Nita, Yati and Kin) and myself went for Japanese food at the KLCC during lunch break today. We seldom eat out but when we do, we normally will head to Japanese. Japanese food is one of my favorite cuisines. I also shared this affection for Japanese food with my husband. Even Fatini and Emir likes the green Soba and Cawanmushi. The food is simple and even though can look unexciting but never tastes boring.

Japanese food is also quite expensive. When I went out with friends to Nippon Tei at KLCC we will order whatever anybody wish and after splitting the bill amongst us will end up with RM40-60 per person. I normally spend only RM 5-10 for lunch on other type of food.

On weekends when we feel like celebrating, my family likes to go to Sakae Sushi in Subang Parade where the food has quite a variety and delicious. Sometimes we go to the Tepanyaki at One Utama where it is cheaper and yet still yummy.

For indulgence, the Benkay Japanese at Nikko Hotel is so tasty, bigger serving but way too expensive. I will choose this restaurant when somebody wishes to take me for business lunch (normally unit trust consultant).

Safety at home

MY SUPERHERO

Here comes my little superhero....

Guilty Pleasure

Last Sunday (yesterday) we went to the Sunday wet market (Pasar Tani). Well, we didn’t have anything to buy actually since our fridge was still full. We went there to indulge in the food stalls at the market.

So after going a couple of rounds we decided on the soup stall. I really loved the soup daging/tulang (beef soup). We ordered mee soup with beef. It was very oily and I can assure you it was very fattening. But it was sooooo delicious and I had to forego my good senses. You can’t find this taste of a soup from any expensive restaurants elsewhere. The Sunday market is the place! I finished my bowl and was very tempted to finish off my daughter’s bowl too. I repeatedly told myself I will watch my diet the next few days to counter this indulgence.

The food stalls here sell tasty food and quite reasonably cheap. Yesterday for 3 bowls of mee soup it was RM13.50 (Rm4.50 per bowl). The soup was prepared in the traditional way and was served with generous amount of beef. I think they may have actually cooked the soup there because there was this biggest cooking pot. Well, the atmosphere was not as comfortable as an air-conditioned restaurant. Depending on the weather it could be very warm, but yesterday was quite okay. I feel proud of the sellers/hawkers in the Sunday market. Despite the un-posh surrounding, they are professional in their service to the customers and I could see friendly competitiveness amongst them.

The Pasar Tani is very popular in my area. The place consists of temporary stalls which sells variety of stuff. Apart from the wet foodstuff, vegetables, fruits etc they also sell dry food, frozen food and there are tens of eatery stalls as well. There are also stalls that sell cheap toys, antics, second hand items, cheap paintings and clothes.

Before we went home we bought heaps of frozen Roti Boom and frozen Murtabak (bread with meat/chicken filling). I was very impressed with the frozen murtabak which was 1- inch or so thick. My husband has been buying this frozen bread quite often and they make very convenient snacks for supper time.

A different approach

Have you ever entered a shop with something in mind and came out with totally different outcome? Here are the scenarios ....

i. you went into a hair saloon to have a "Wash and Blow" session for your hair and hours later came out having a hair cut, a different hair color, highlights, maybe with a couple of bottles of shampoo, conditioner and treatment oil?

ii. you went into this reflexology shop/centre to have a feet massage and ended up buying all the unprescribed traditional medicines and oil which you never touched afterwards?

iii. You went to this spa because you have got this discount voucher for a facial treatment and ended up signing a full course of face and slimming treatment?

Yes, you entered the shops/centre to spend say RM50 and came out spending RM400 to even RM5000. For the softhearted ones, we often fall prey to these "experts" who managed to convince us to forget our initial intentions. I used to be one as described above and still am whenever i am not careful enough.

The following are guidelines to prevent from being rerouted from your initial intention. They're not meant for those who actually wish to lavish themselves and can afford to. The guideline also by no means intend any sign of disrespect for the service provider but just ways to keep our expenditure within our budget.

Guidelines include:

1. Have a strong resolution before entering the shop and stick to it. Remember how much you want to spend. Just smile and say yes to whatever they say but don't buy or sign anything.

2. If you know that you may fail at above, as an additional safety measure, don't bring too much cash when you enter such shops. Just tell them "maybe next time, i don't have enough cash with me". Flash your wallet if you have to.

3. Leave your credit card home or somewhere else safe. Carrying this card around is very dangerous and asking for trouble. I normally will leave my credit card somewhere first everytime I go to get a facial treatment otherwise i ended up buying lots of their products and sign on the next 20 facial course which would last me two years.

4. Last but not least, always look like you are rushing for another important appointment as soon as your task is completed

Good Luck.

School, Item 2

I have written subject on schools previously. This piece is to let you know the progess in my pursuit to find a suitable education for my children.

My strategy in my children development includes provisions to develop proficiency in three main languages i.e Bahasa Melayu, English and Mandarin. These language development have to be started in early age and my planning for the children schooling will include this into consideration. I believe language development in children enhances their brain development and additionally will prepare them for the mixed society/culture. I have noticed Fatini has begun to pick up Mandarin words and her pronunciations are very impressive because she is still very young.

I have not ruled out Public Schools or any private education providers. I have these options to consider for early/primary educations.

Option 1
Kindergarten: English Medium with Mandarin and Bahasa Melayu subjects.
Speech&Drama and MusicGarten once a week. For Emir, the Spech&Drama class is a parent-accompanied program.
Quran recital guide twice a week.
Status - On going.
I have been looking out for signs of overburdening my children. So far they have enjoyed all the activities especially Speech&Drama class which is on Saturday morning. I will pull out any of the activity if I see any sign of stress or activity overload.

Primary Std 1-2 : Chinese Public School to immerse them in Mandarin Language

Primary Std 3-6 : Private School . I have considered the following schools mainly for logistic reason i.e. Sri Chempaka (Damansara), Sri KDU (Kota Damansara), Seri Cahaya (Shah Alam), Sri KL (Subang Jaya), Sri Tenby (Shah Alam). Others further are Sri Garden (Taman Maluri), Sri Sedaya (Kelana Jaya) and Sri Inai (PJ)

Option 2
Kindergarten: As per Option 1.

Primary Std 1 -6 Private schools as listed above with Mandarin, English, B.Melayu as subjects

Public Schools are free while Private schools are quite costly. I have checked that for private schools in Malaysia, the average fees per year per student ranges about RM10,000 -15,000 per year depending on the schools. I know that I must at least have these funds available to support their educations for a period of 6 years. I am still pondering on the above options and have a few more months to decide.

Books

I have been planning to set up a small library for my children at home. My idea is to expose them to the world of story books and also to teach them how to care for books.
I went to Konikuniya at KLCC yesterday and looked out for children's book. My, they were so expensive, one book ranges between RM50 to RM70. I thought that was too expensive. I didn't buy any. This quite disheartened me and spoiled my plan.
On the way home I stopped at a book shop in Giant Shah Alam and bought 3 little story books costing about RM8 per book but these were with the soft cover which could easily be torn.
Anyway today I went to Fatini's school for Parent Teacher meet. There were some books being sold in front of the classes. To my delight, the books are good quality books, hard cover and they cost from RM10 to RM25 each. At RM10 and RM16 each, I ended spending total RM120, that was after discount, and brought home quite a number of books as seen in pictures.

Hope to see her again

Yesterday after a couple of phone calls I finally met up with my long lost friend Aida. She resides in the UK having a family there and was only in KL for 2 days to meet up friends before visiting her folks in Johor. The last time I saw her was in the UK back in 1997 when I visited her family in Durham UK.
Her husband and kids were also there yesterday but gave her and myself time alone to catch up. We talked for more than 3 hours, moving from one café to another. There was so much to talk about, our families, kids, mutual friends etc.
She was still the same, honest, down to earth and happy to meet. We talked about old times too and laughed to tears when reflecting how innocent and foolish we were back when we were 17 going to 18. That was when I first met her and other friends. We were doing our intensive English course and then proceeded to do A level.
We were very close back then and the feelings of closeness were still there even though we have parted ways and only met again after so many years. Some people changed but obviously our friendship was good and nothing has changed.
When it was time to bid farewell we could not help but shed tears and wondered when we would meet again. She promised to allocate more time in Malaysia next time so that she can meet my family. Well maybe another few years. I hope so.

Fatini's Concert

Fatini had a school concert yesterday. She with her class friends danced the “the wheel on the bus” song. Both me and my husband attended and we were so proud of her.

Macaroni with white sauce

When i lacked the time, I will cook this simple recipe and Fatini really loves it. Sometimes she even asked for it. It is macaroni with white sauce. This dish is also perfect for travelling or outing as it is not messy. It can be kept in the fridge and reheated in the microwave when required.

How to prepare this simple children dish.

Boil 1 cup of macaroni until it is really soft (my children like it soft). When cooked, it fill up a medium size bowl. Then drain, rinse with water and keep aside in a closed container to maintain its softness.

While the macaroni is boiling, melt two tablespoons of butter in the pan. Once it melts, add in a tablespoon heap of white flour and stir until it makes a lumpy mixture. Add in 1 half -2 small glasses of milk and keep on stirring. Add more milk or water if the sauce is too little or too thick.

Then add cheese (any cheese will do), the amount depends on how cheesy you want it to be. I used two slices of cheese. Stir until the whole white sauce thickens and boiling. Add in a pinch of salt. Then pour the macaroni into the white sauce and heat slowly for another minute. And it's done! Pour everything in the bowl with a lid to cover. Serve when it has already cooled down a bit.

Happy trying.

Kuih

I remember the old days when kuih-muih sold by the makcik/pakcik at the road side, canteen etc were so tasty. Those were the days when people sold to earn honest living and to ensure their kuih was demanded and sold out.

Nowadays, due to the time constraint on the working population, the demand for stall food is great. People have no choice but to buy to fill their empty tummies in the morning. Due to the high demand and to maximize profit, the food quality have greatly reduced. Sadly customer’s satisfaction is not a factor anymore in this business.

The kuih-muih in Kuala Lumpur is now sold at an average price of 50 sen per piece. The stalls at the malls will sell at more expensive prices ranging from 80 sen to RM1.20 per piece. The price had increased significant over a few years. I don’t blame the sellers for the increase in the price. But have you ever bought some kuih and then after the first bite felt like throwing them into the dust bin? I did that sometimes in fact more often than not nowadays.

By all means, sellers, increase the price to cover the cost, keep the profit margin reasonable, nobody is going to blame you for earning a living. But please … don’t sell us something that tastes like flour and water only. Where are the quality and the taste?

Update on Emir

Emir rashes were completely gone by Friday afternoon. Seems that the doctor was right it was an elergy reaction. Seen here Emir back to his favorite activity Friday evening.

Rashes

Wednesday night I noticed Emir had some red bumps on his feet. I thought it was mosquito bites. Feeling irritated with the mosquitoes I checked all the windows and switched on the vaporizer. That night Emir woke up several times, crying irritably and scratching. Thursday morning when I sent him to the daycare I mentioned on the mosquito bites which looked by that time have multiplying in amount. At 11 am I received a phone call from the daycare that Emir red rashes have spread throughout the body.

My heart was doing this flip flop (nothing to do with the PM, if you know what I meant , wink). You see Emir has a medical condition called G6PD which is hereditary from me. It is a very common human enzyme deficiency and said to affect about 400 million people world wide. The X chromosomes (boy XY chromosomes) caused the body to lack an enzyme called Glucose-6-phosphate-dehydrogenase or in short G6PD. The enzyme’s function is to help red blood cells to function normally. This deficiency can cause hemolytic anemia, usually after exposure to certain medications, foods and infections. In rare cases, G6PD leads to chronic anemia requiring blood transfusion. For a girl, we have double XX chromosomes therefore if one lacks the enzyme, the other will cover for it. That’s why normally G6PD affects mostly boys.

I have always been careful about Emir. I have had his medical conditions detailed to any of his caregiver. When he was born he had jaundice for an extended period, longer than any baby I know. He had his little feet punctured for blood test so many times. I couldn’t bear to see him going through all that. Luckily he recovered fast enough and since then he is as healthy and active as any child. Nevertheless, every time he gets sick, I get very worried.

I began to search the internet for information on children rashes and the list is long and ranges from “nothing to worry about” to “very-very worrying possible causes”. So we brought him to the SJMC. He does not have fever or flu just the itchy red spots all over his body. The pediatrician diagnosed the cause to an elergy reaction, possibly from something he ate or touched. He was given some medications and calamine lotion. Throughout the day he was active. Over the night the red bumps reduced significantly. It becomes less worrying now but I still need to establish what was his body reacting to when he developed the rashes, and whether these rashes are something more serious. I hope it was nothing but I just don’t want to overlook anything more serious.

Which school?

I read somewhere some time ago that it is the mother who can actually determine how great a person can turn out to be when they become adults. Lot’s of great people in history have exceptional mothers. Maybe because mothers spent a lot of time thinking for the children like their food, health, clothes, education and their future. Also mothers always pray for the children and mother’s doa is insyallah be granted by God. I am not saying fathers are not important. By nature fathers take on the heavier responsibility to provide the means for the family to survive and to take away all the hardships. Fathers/Husbands are the figure to provide strength and shelter us from maladies.

So me like any mother I guess, is always thinking and planning in advance for my children. One of my main concerns is their education. What I mean by educations is not purely academic but more towards development, to strengthen them physically and mentally in the journey to become independent adults.
For the past few months I have been thinking hard about my children primary school because by next year I already have to start register Fatini at one of the schools.

There are lots of public schools around and they are allright. I was educated in public school and then in boarding school for my secondary years and I turned out allright. But times have changed. Nowadays we demand for the greatest quality in everything. We used to be happy to work in a Government sector but nowadays people opt for private companies or overseas assignment to vary work experiences and to earn more. So is with education. I believe my children deserve the best that I and husband can provide in their education.

My concerns regarding schools are either they are too focused on academics achievement therefore giving children unnecessary pressure not to mention that some teachers are just not dedicated and interested enough in children development ( I am not saying all teachers). There are also schools having discipline problems and schools which do not have enough safety measures and assurance. Apart from that I found that students nowadays need to be given extra tuition classes after school hours despite of long hours spent in school itself. So what has gone wrong? I never had tuitions when I was studying. Tuitions nowadays are so expensive. For a couple of subjects you can spend a thousand ringgit or more on each child. I also don’t like the idea of forcing children to spend time on tuition classes at night. I rather they learn how to study by themselves. I found that the principle of tuition is more inclined towards techniques to pass examinations rather than help these students to think and develop.

I don’t know which type of school I will send my children yet. I guess there will be quite some work for me to do for research in the next few months.

just something to write

I like attending a dinner function. It was the preparation leading to the night that give me some level of excitement for my otherwise mundane life. So what is the excitement all about, well actually the usual thing we women at least me always concern about…. What to wear? Who’s going to do my make-up? What hair style? Who’s to babysit my children. I had to lose that 2 kg before the event! …. and son on. And TA DA ……the picture next was me at a dinner function last May. After all the hassles thinking and plotting, I think I look much better without the hair and the make-up.

In material sense

Today I want to be materialistic and talk about money. Money is a real issue in life and should not be disregarded. Good and bad things happen because of it.

When it comes to money I am categorized as careful. That does not mean I am stingy or I didn’t splurged on clothes and jewelleries, designer handbag and shoes. I have had all that more than any average person. But I never forgot savings. I have been a regular saver until now. I do investment as well but more on the unit trust thing to be on the safe side. I don’t take risk to lose money by doing hardcore investment because it’s so damn hard to earn it to just lose it over a blink of an eye.

I have been saving money since my childhood as long as I can remember. My earliest memory of childhood in this saving thing, is when I saved the 3 ringgit my father gave me and each of my siblings when we fast the full month of Ramadhan, well not exactly full month was achieved but that was the target. I also remember the piggy bank made of bamboo stick where I dropped in coins everyday taken from my school pocket money. As I grow up, I saved money little by little. When I was in the university, at the time I was in England, I worked and saved the money instead of spending it. When needs arise some times I end up with negative money in the bank (there was limited debit allowed in my account at the time).

When I started working after finishing my study I gave some parts of my salary to my parents in my desire to see them live well and comfortable. Then I managed to buy a condominium all by myself. I still keep the condo until now. It’s really one of my prides to benchmark the achievement at the time.

I started to earn more when I was offered to work overseas. I was still single back then, a little bit old for most woman to remain single, oddly I felt good in my aspiration to explore what life has to offer me. I spent a few years overseas and I began to accumulate my “wealth”, work experience and enhance my profession.

Now I am married, have children and have a well paid job. I feel so blessed and lucky in my life even though I have been through many hardships before. My savings which was there for years accumulate dividends on compounded basis. It has become a comfort cushion for my family and children’s future education.

I want to instill this value in my children which was instilled in me by my father. A value such that as they grow up they learn to be grateful and appreciate their parents and the sacrifice made. To value every single cent provided by parents to raise and educate them. I do not seek for any retribution or payback from my children but enough is their love, respect and gratitude.

my thoughts today

Lots of people I know ignore their health even though they are saying otherwise. Maybe taking for granted that bad things won’t happen (God forbids) or assuming we are going to live and be young forever. I looked at it different ways. I pray everyday that I and hubby are given good health so that we can raise our children until they reach full age. I fear to think that my children are raised by people who don’t love them. I fear to think their feelings are hurt by people who claim to be families. I fear for the effect on their self confidence and self esteem. Children’s feelings are so fragile. What can equate real parents love when we are not around?

I as a parent have the responsibilities not only to feed and care for my small children but also to make sure that I am there when they need me. Without health how can I be sure I will be there when they need me? How can I be sure I am healthy and strong enough to be there when they need me?
When health deteriotates, so will also the fun, wealth and sharing time with families.

And most of all children have feelings and these feelings are so fragile as they are still very young. I can see it in my children’s eyes. Their feelings are mirrored in their eyeys. When I am sick, they will worry and feel insecure and unsure yet they will not know how to express those feelings. As an adult, I have friends to talk to and spill my heart or I can write things down but not these children. Feelings kept inside will affect them. I don’t want my children to spend their young life worrying and feeling insecure.

So I want to lead a healthy life. Good nutritions, physical movement, enough rest and sufficient sleep. I have to be very firm of what I should not eat or take as I believe food has both sides of good and evil. I love my family too much not to ignore these health issues. I know sometimes I keep on telling ourselves that I am leading a healthy life but some times these are empty affirmations just to make myself feeling better or I am in a state of denial. I told myself If I don’t love myself enough, I love my children enough to motivate me to do it.

What the children eat

We have a maid at home basically to just look after the house. The children are absent from home during the day. After some time, I started to leave the cooking for the family to her. Then I noticed my family having fewer and fewer meals at home even though the cooking is done everyday. My children don't want to eat any of the dishes. Fatini will take rice and kicap only.
Lately I began to think what have i been feeding my family. Why I trust some body else to prepare food for my children. You see, the cooking is done by the maid with all the necessary ingredients but the children didn't want to eat. I also hardly want to eat. My husband was just not keen as well. Something is lacking in the food preparation.... No it's not Aji-No-Moto. It lacks the ingredient called love. It lacks the good intentions for health and well being for the children. It lacks the mother's touch.

I begin to feel sad when i think about it.

So I started last night cooking a simple fried rice. When I cooked I gave lots of thoughts for it. What my children like, what my husband like. I made sure it's really clean and fit for us to eat. Nutritions and taste all taken into account. I am doing it out of love. The food is prepared out of love. Minimum salt, minimum fat, nutritious, hygenic and with a good intention. For the first time i had a clean bowl last night.

My point is ... i know sometimes we are too busy and too tired to cook when we get home. I know we want to sit and rest and spend time with the children. But what we feed the children is also very important because it becomes flesh and blood. Nothing is the same as food prepared by mothers and wife. I remember my mom's cooking until now even though I hated the meals when i was small but I missed it now when I am fully grown up.

So I am determined that no matter how little time I have, I am going to make sure my fingers are the ones feeding my children.