Recently dark thoughts have been looming over me. Thoughts about my health and life. And then there is my back pain which is still there. So I decided to make visits to the doctor, which was yesterday.
Well, I spent the whole day at the hospital yesterday. I came in at about 9.45 am, and after a discussion with my gynecologist, I proceeded to the table where the examination was going to take place. As always, even though I braced myself to bravery, I was shaking the whole body from head to toe. This was not my first pap smear but even though it would be the 20th times, I would still feel the same.
We did the ultrascan and also decided that apart from the normal pap smear test I was to do the HPV test. The pap smear is to check for cancerous cell while HPV test (Human PapillomaVirus) is to check for a virus known to cause cervical cancer. This new test is just developed recently due to some new medical findings. The doctor said the sample taken would be taken quite deep. Seeing me so scared, he just talked on other things to calm me down while he’s doing his work. I don’t know how come I was still scared of this procedure after going through 2 caesarian deliveries and 2 D&Cs. Well, that’s how tough a woman is I guess, We braved all these for the sake of human subsistence.
Anyway the procedure was not painful only the way it was done was so scary. I won’t elaborate. Then I went to the imaging lab for the mammogram which was actually my first test ever. I was so scared also. But the technician girl who was doing the imaging for me was very considerate and understanding. She said to me ‘don’t be scared, it will be uncomfortable but it won’t be painful’. I said, ‘are you sure? And she said, ‘yes, did other people tell you it would be painful?’ There was four imaging done. In between we had little laughs, me embarrassed, nervous type of laughs and she I guess seeing patient day after day must be thinking we were funny. But overall she was gentle and so understanding, considering the way the mammogram was done with all the awkward posture that I had to do. Then I had an Ultrasound scan done next. After waiting for the results and films, I went back to see the gynae to discuss. And due to a couple of small nodules found on my left breast he asked me to consult the surgeon for further discussion which was set at 3 pm. The findings scared me to the core, why was this happening to me? My children, my children…. I kept thinking about my children. What if something was to happen to me ? I felt I must see the surgeon that day. No point to come back another day.
Well it was 3.30 pm when the surgeon came to see me. We reviewed the films and he decided that the nodules were harmless and very small. They normally developed after a certain age and sometimes disappear again. If I was too worried he could do a biopsy for me where a small fluid sample will be taken and checked in the lab but he didn’t think it was necessary. I need to come back for another check next January. I blew sighs of relief. What a day! God…, please protect me!
It was 4.30 pm when I finished and my bill came over more than RM1000.
Now come the moral of the story. I had been so lazy to go to the hospital. It seems like a complete waste of hours of waiting etc. I always waited till emergency case then only I dragged myself to the hospital. This set of mind needs a paradigm change. Hospitals are not just about doctors. They are just advisors like us in our jobs. Most importantly hospital has all these expensive equipment , technologies and laboratories which could be use to monitor our well being. The results from these technologies are facts and figures of our health. We should not only use hospital for treatment, we should use hospital as a preventive mechanism, to monitor the trend of our health so that preventive measures can be taken. Hospital is not my enemy anymore, it is my new friend.
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