my attentiveness problem

Since there were so many talking by my young children to me and there’s equally if not more, work and tasks for me to do at that particular time, I sometimes response with “uhuh, uhuh” which was sort of agreement or acknowledgement to whatever being said without really hearing it or try to understand or empathize with it. So Emir has gotten fed up with me.
Recently I was clearing up the bathroom at the time and he was telling me something. So I started that" uhuh, uhuh" thing as my body and thoughts work hard to finish the chore at hand. Emir being a smart boy said to me in his dissatisfied voice, Mommy, I don’t want you to say uhuh, uhuh, when I talk to you.
Feeling amused I asked, What do you want me to say then? He said, I want you to say, (and he went) $j#%&%&GJG*&^Hjkhjk(*)($%^$# 6764jf928&&%&^%&, saying trains of sentences using words non comprehensive to me pretending like making an interesting conversation. He was relaying to me to talk properly back to him not just giving him curt replies.

So I changed my answering pattern the next time he asked me. One day I was rushing to sort out the clothings and he was talking to me at the same time so I began to say ok, ok, to whatever he’s saying. And he said to me, Mommy I don’t want you to say ok, ok. Don’t say ok, ok, to me when I talk to you.
What do you want me to say then? I again asked. I want you to say *&&%%%##$^%^dkfl(&*%*^$%#*^)(),..... (And he will make that long sentences again using his vocabularies acting out an interesting conversation.)

That’s how Emir my three year old plus expressed his dissatisfaction to me with regard to my attentiveness or as a matter of fact the lack of it.

My love hate relationship

Yes my love hate relationship. Not with anyone but with food. I love eating, who wouldn't. I eat when I am happy, and I eat when I am sad. I eat when I'm bored and I eat when there's a party. But the problem is I have put on a couple of kilos recently. My slow metabolism didn't help also. This was due to lots of cakes and other sweet delicacies and fast food I have had recently. I love cakes, butter and cream. That's a fact! These have always been my favourite food. I have tried to minimize buying them. However recently I have started again. This is not directly my fault though. It's because my children have started to venture into more variety of food and this includes the sweet delicacies, cakes and unhealthy fast foods. So we bought and bought but they were only tasting. So what a waste if I don’t finish them up. So I did. But the exercise part remains nil. And the pounds add up. That’s me.

At the same time Fatini has started to try out hot food even though only mildly hot. Previously there’s no way she’s going to eat anything hot. Even a taste of white pepper would set her wailing. Last Saturday she tried my noodle while I ate at the café. Not the hot soup but only the noodle. Both Emir and her did. They ate the noodle and drink iced fresh orange alternately to kill the hot taste. On Sunday Fatini tried the dhal while eating roti canai. I praised her over that. I told her that in this country if she cannot take hot food, she won’t be able to eat at all. So she must learn. The reason I said that was because I have had many problem with the local restaurants inside and outside KL. Even when I ordered some food and stressed very clearly that there should be NO chillies, NO pepper, NO hot, for young children food, we found that the food served was still hot, still have chilly inside sometimes even complete with the piercing hot bird eye chilly. A few times we have asked to change the food because we ordered with no chilly and yet it came back the same only an hour or so later. It had been very frustrating. Ended up many times that I ate the food and my children were still hungry. At home I still didn’t put chilly in my cooking but I have added more ginger, garlic and onions either in the marinate sauce or soup.

Back to my weight, I have started to feel an inkling of guilt over the eating. I can’t seem to find the balance between energy input and output. The input is always in excess. My appetite is hard to dampen.
I am also not into dieting anymore, since dieting makes me pale faced, gaunt, ill and dizzy. And to make it worse after the suffering I had to endure the weight hardly come down, well maybe a little down and a few weeks after, it will start to top the previous weight. I know only exercise can help me beat this but really I just haven’t got the motivation and when I have that much needed motivation I don’t have the time. I left my house when it was still dark and returned when it was already dust. My only exercise was perhaps the walk I take to the mall during lunch hour everyday except when it rained. I am still wearing the same size clothes but I have noticed they are starting to fill out. So far so good but I really have to start think of something now!

Birthday Party

Last Sunday had been one of the most memorable by Fatini and Emir too by the way. Fatini and Emir woke up so early. Fatini insisted to bathe and put on her beautiful yellow princess dress. And that was only 7 o’clock in the morning. She was so happy with the dress and she really looked like a little princess. But she had to wait until 10 before we finally left for the party. She didn’t let Emir pull or step on her dress fearing it may tear and off course Emir didn’t obey which let to some verbal fight and “Mummy! Mummy! screaming.
I was quite apprehensive of the upcoming party the night before and woke up early to get prepared. Even though I already ordered some food for children and parents from the organizer, as an addition I cooked some Alfredo pasta and jelly to bring over to the party. I also have special cup cakes made which bear Fatini’s photo on each of the cupcake.
We arrived at the party venue at 10.15 am and the guests were expected to arrive at 10.30 am. The organizer was ready. I was peeking at the food and cake and felt that everything was in order. They had prepared a special Dora birthday cake for Fatini. It was a huge one. I took some photos with my handphone before the guests came as shown here.
Then the guests arrived bringing presents and handed them to Fatini. Approximately 35 children attended Fatini party. There were another 40 parents and luckily the place was big enough to cater for all. The children started the games excitedly. Everybody including parents were impressed with Fatini’s dress and thought she stood out as the belle of the party which she should be since it’s her party.
Emir was extra excited with the party and games. However came the volcano game he was scared and asked me to carry him. That was only temporary though since he was back to his old self a few minutes after.
I could hardly find Fatini which was lost in between her many friends. I took photo with my videocam and had not processed them so I couldn’t post them here. I had to entertain the adults as well so I was quite busy. The children were in motion all the time and it was difficult to catch a good picture. The children were so happy to meet each other . The party organizer seemed to conduct the party and handled the children so well.
The children and parents were impressed with the cup cakes which bear Fatini’s photo and Fatini’s best friend had difficulty to eat the cupcakes because she didn’t want to “eat” Fatini. The photo was edible by the way. I could see all of them had a great time. The party was supposed to end at 12.30 but most lingered until 1 pm for chit chatting.
There were tons of presents for Fatini which she couldn’t wait to open as soon as we reached home. Even though I allowed her to take off the wrapper to look at the present I didn’t let her take out all. Well she managed to get me to allow her to play with a few actually. There were too many for her to play at one time. When I asked her, how many presents did you get? she said, a hundred! with a big smile on her face.
It was a successful party and I was pleased and relieved.
Fatini was obviously one of the popular girls at school since most parents told me their children insisted to attend Fatini’s party. A couple of teachers attended as well.
Fatini didn’t take off her princess dress until almost bed time.

Brother and Sister

Fatini & Emir are just 20 months apart in age. They are so close because they have nobody else but each other. They can strike a conversation between them, make jokes and laugh endlessly with each other. Sometimes I felt awed at their topic of conversation. It's amazing what they can talk about. They also care for each other. I saw one day how Emir patted Fatini while she was sleeping. And Fatini would cry if the teacher scolded Emir as reported to me by her teachers.
But there are times when they will argue. In fact so many times they argued. If Fatini say yes, Emir will say no. If one say right, the other will say wrong. Whatever they say, the other will say the opposite. The argument will get louder and louder.
As frequently as they are friends they will fight too. Sometimes it will start with one blocking the other's view. Usually Emir will start it. One said " excuse me" the other will ignore. Then it will escalate to pinching and scratching especially from Fatini's side who would get so upset over Emir's action. Emir used to pull her hair back but that habit had stopped fortunately. When they fought one or both will cry. It used to anger me when they fought. However I noticed that while my anger still lingered and even before I finished scolding them, they have become friends again and already laughing together. So I learned my lesson and tried to ignore their fight. Let it happen and they will become friends. I thought if I interrupt most often than not they will be friends but my behaviour will shed a bad light on myself in their eyes.
Last night, while I was downstairs they fought again over what matter i was not sure. When I came up I saw a couple of scratches on emir's jaw. I felt upset with Fatini but decided not to scold her. But I lectured her about the pain she caused Emir. She pretended not to listen. I asked her to say sorry to Emir and she refused. However Emir had now become proud of the scratches. He told us he will report to his teachers the next day. He named the teachers one by one.
This morning in the car, Emir highlighted us the scratches again, by showing proudly the side of the face which was scratched. So I lectured Fatini and showed her the awful looking scratches. I told her not to scratch her brother again as it caused pain and that will make Emir not as handsome anymore. She won't look at me as I talked. She kept very quiet and pretended not to listen. I told her next time Emir upset her, she must not hit Emir but to go to the toy room and find a toy or go to the book room and get a book. Then I stopped the lecture and continued driving.
Fifteen minutes later, out of the blue, she said in her soft voice, sorry Emir.... sorry Emir.... Her voice sounded trembled with regret. So she had been thinking to herself! She has been reflecting on my words even though she pretended not to listen.
So I asked Emir, did you hear Fatini said sorry Emir? Emir said, yes. And I asked them to hug. and they hugged and then started laughing again. That's the inseparable brother and sister.

Happy 5th Birthday

You are a big girl now... My darling little girl. Mommy, Papa and Emir love you so much. Have a wonderful birthday.

Fatini

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It’s April and Fatini’s birthday is coming. She is going to be 5 years old. Time flies. She’s turning into a tall pretty girl. The tall part comes from the daddy while the pretty part…., well…ha ha just let me take the credit for it. She loves reading and can read story books very well now. She draws and colours impressively and I thought the way she draws and colors really shows the artistic side of her which I never have. She loves Emir very much and it showed a lot not only to me but obvious to her teachers as well. She likes pretty clothes, pretty shoes and loves Disney princesses. She’s tidy and hardworking and smart. She’s considerate towards me and I can already negotiate with her about things. What can I say about her. She gave me nothing but pleasure and happiness all these years. I pray for her health and success for her life and hereafter.

Fatini has been asking for months for a party for her school friends and also wanted to invite her cousins naming them one by one. She has been counting days. For the past years I would be busy preparing for the party, arrange for caterer, looking for items for the goodie bags and strained my brain for games and gifts for the kids. At the same time I tried to keep the cost low however it’s so difficult to gauge who’s coming who’s not since people don’t RSVP and I couldn’t really press for it because it’s conducted at home. Some years, lots of people will come and another year the turn up was low. This drove me crazy as food prepared could be insufficient or too much. All in all I found that I always spent quite a lot doing it all myself not counting my energy spent and emotional distress.

So this year, I have gotten a party organizer to do it. She will do everything including the cards, the cake, the games, the party packs and the venue preparation. I don’t even have to do anything except call Fatini’s friends and cousins to come. The cost will be charged per head and I thought that the overall cost is about acceptable for a small group. Hopefully Fatini’s friends and cousins will make it to the party and give my darling girl a time of her life.

However since the party is on weekend and her actually birthday is Tuesday, I will be sending a Disney Princesses cake to her school to celebrate with her school friends and teachers. Daddy will be buying a pretty dress for her this weekend for the party. Fatini will be so happy.

Weekend in Melaka

Saturday afternoon we planned to go back to Melaka. I was so tired and sleepy in the afternoon so I took time to nap first and finally we went off at half past six or something. The kids were excited since morning when they know they are going to visit Grandma Wan. When we arrived Melaka my mother already cooked dinner for us. Fatini was well behaved, shook and kissed Wan’s hand. Emir was not in the mood to be that nice, looked like he was being shy. But that was only when we first arrived. He warmed up fast and then was his playful self playing happily with Wan. I am glad that my kids could get closed to their grandma. I never had that kind of experience because my grandmother (my father’s side) last time was not the one who hugged and kissed the grandchildren. I never knew my grandparents from my mother’s side since they were long gone before my mother married my father.

Once my kids arrived they took control of the TV channel. It was cartoon all the time and Wan couldn’t watch the Akademi Fantasia. Ha Ha kesian Wan.

The next morning my kids got a lovely surprise. They found that Wan’s house got a rabbit. Actually it was their cousins’ rabbit which were left there because Nabila and Hakeem went to visit their dad in Kazakhtan. So the whole morning they were stroking and force feeding the rabbit with a big carrot. There went Wan’s carrots for lunch!

In the afternoon we decided to go to the Banda Hilir. Wan followed us as well. I haven’t been there for a long long time and especially ages ago during daylight. And what a big big surprise. Bandar Hilir has changed totally but pleasantly. Wow!  Even though some additions were a bit haphazard but they are there and they are new and attracts lots of people to come and visit. Anyway we just went to Mahkota Parade. After a bit of shopping my husband and I stopped for foot reflexology. It was okay (but last night I couldn’t sleep very well, wonder whether the reflexology that caused it).

Another thing that made me happy was that it was a long time since I went to shopping malls with my mother. I mean I couldn’t remember when was the last time I went out with her. I don’t know why we didn’t do that anymore. So it was fun having her yesterday. Then we stopped at the coffee shop for coffee, drinks, charred koay teow, and toast with kaya before we went home.

I should take Wan for holiday some time.

Life could be easier

Due to the hectic schedule on Monday and Tuesday for me to send the children to the Iqra night class I thought it would be nice to arrange the Ustaz to come to our house to teach the children keeping the twice a week schedule. But when I asked the Ustaz how much would it cost so that we can pay accordingly, the answer is “up to you, suka hati”. Well, isn’t it easy for you and me to just name the price? I thought why make it difficult for me…? So I have to offer the price and gauge the reaction enough or not enough. For some people it’s enough, for others it may not. My husband said don’t count too much just offer something that makes the ustaz happy to come. So I asked the ustaz what about RM400 a month, twice a week, 8-9 pm and he sort of hesitated in his reaction to me. And me was going, does he think it’s too little ahh? Second thoughts maybe too much?? Why does he make my life miserable? So I said quickly it’s only one hour, the children are still little. (I don’t think I would pay more than that actually for twice a week sessions) Anyway he agreed. Okaylah!