The kids just finished their exams yesterday. Off course they were happy. At home, they played with the neighbours until bedtime. This time, I am so happy that I helped them to prepare and go through the final exam. Last year, I felt that i have not been that involved with fatini going through the exams. But she did so well last year. I am sure this time, they will do well, anyway, it doesn't really matter because I feel they they have been responsible enough to go through the revision and so on.
Fatini is 8 years and Emir is approaching 7. They have been progressing well. Fatini is developing her own mind and reinstating her wants and desires more and more these days. I found it to be quite challenging to feel calm  in the face of her demands. However, she understands well my reasons even though she could be stubborn sometimes. Emir is now more matured and can play very well with his friends. There's no more episode of hitting and pushing. He has developed the ability to be considerate. He has so many friends at school and plays so well with friends at home.
However, as siblings, they are fighting more and more these days. Fatini is more the bullying partner and Emir is the snaatcher of the two. It is always Emir who ends up crying with no sympathy from the sister. Well, I guess i have to learn how to manage these behaviour soon.

Emir is a handsome boy. He is so charming at his age of 6+ years. I am so proud of him. He could be so adorable. But I had spoilt him in some ways being my youngest baby. He hit his sister occosionally when fighting and seems to be unable to tolerate one of the neighbour friends.
I am worried about his behaviour and now I am quite determined to stop the hitting of the sister and fighting with one of the boys. In school, he didn't seem to have this problem.
I read about how to instill good characters in children. This has been my fault of not being able to instill tolerance and coping with frustration. Who could he depend on to teach him if not on his parents. I have overlooked this matter.
Sometimes, I am too harshed on him and sometimes too lenient. I am not consistent. I need to train him with values that will help him to cope with the world when he grows up. He needs to prepare himself with characters that make him internally strong and with values that make him a good person.
Hitting and yelling a child will not him emotionally as he feels he's being wronged. I need to make him undertsand what, why and how of life and teach him acceptable reasonings and communication. Emir, mummy love you.

Health is something that we took for granted until finally it fails us. Health is what we delay until such time it becomes an emergency. I wish I was as healthy as I used to be. I wish I don't have anything to complain about.

But reality has to set in. I have back ache that bothers me on and off. I have shoulder pain in the joint that need physiotherapy. I feel tired and exhausted on certain days.

Maybe it's the food, maybe it's my lifestyle. Maybe it's the thing in the air that I breathe in. Maybe it's the day to day pressure that reaps my energy away.

I decided that I should be healthy and happy. Not to waste my life and time on trivials and irritations. To enjoy life and to laugh.  To think positively on everything.

Since it's the new year, what would be a better time than now to rejuvenate my spirits! I have years to live on, insyaallah.

In June 2009, exactly 2 and half years ago, I wrote about my father. Today I am writing about him, but this time with tears in my eyes and a heart that's totally broken.

He passed away as peacefully as any man could be on the 14th December 2011. He died an honoured man, much loved by wife, children, relatives and friends. Our house was full with people visiting him for the last time. How I wished he had that many visitors while he was lying sick on the bed.

He had been in and out of the hospital regularly for check ups, so I didn't expect that when we decided to admit him to Pantai hospital two days earlier, it was his last. On admission, the doctor advised that his blood pressure was low and kept on reducing. His heart was weakening.

There was a confusion about relaying this message to us as nobody told us he was dying.

He died at 10.35pm on wednesday, with most family by his side, except me. It was a cold, wet rainy night. I drove all the way praying for him, when finally I reached him I called his name to wake him up and the doctor held me back informing the sad news.

I felt so disappointed I couldn't reach him on time. There he was, my father, lying so still, and I felt like a little girl again, waiting for my father to come and greet me.

Throughout the night, it was difficult to believe he was gone, he looked like he was sleeping. I almost wondered maybe the doctor was wrong!

After the funerals and all, I was crying and thinking, oh my father, oh my father.... there was something in my heart that felt the guilt... have I done all I should as his daughter....I had done so little and he had done so much for me.

I felt why was time so short, or has it flown past so fast I didn't realise I'm getting old and he was going ... what a life on this earth is, except to live a while and raise children and move on.... and what was life for my father except to dedicate his life to his children and then passed on.

Memories are what hurt me the most! I wished I could have the time again, being the growing up girl, enjoying my father's presence, having his indulgent smiles on me, waiting for him, being waited on by him.....

"Ayah, I pray for you, that you have a much better life in the hereafter, that Allah forgive you and bless you and put you in Jannah together with those mukminin and solihin..Amin..."

Hari Raya month is over finally. As a family we had a good time this year. I think I enjoyed every moment of it. My kids are growing up fine and my extended family is ever expanding. It was a great time for me, as my kids began to understand Ramadhan and enjoyed Hariraya.

I took a week holiday off work and it went by very fast. It was a busy one, went back to Melaka and then flew to Kedah. Then we organized an open house at home and received lots of friends and relative.
My kids were excited too. Fatini who is seven years old this year, started the fasting ritual. She never missed her sahur time and understand her obligation in fasting, which made me tremendously proud of her. I didn't have to do much work to get her to start the fasting at her age. I did have to carry her to the dinner table though and she ate with eyes closed sometimes. But the determination was there. She always makes me proud by the way, performing very well in school and in anything she does.

Emir, who has not started fasting yet, enjoyed the break fasting rituals and never missed it. In fact he woke up to join us in the early sahur time once or twice.

Well, I can say we had a great time this year.

To Emir

Emir had his birthday last December. He turned 5. He didn't have a big party this year because I was too busy. However we celebrated his birthday at school.
No matter what, he was so happy. and being Emir, his feeling showed to the utmost. He had been talking to his friends about his birthday the whole week.

Emir,
You are 5 already. You are the dearest to my heart. I love you so much.
It doesn't take much to make you happy and your feelings show clearly everytime.
You are the one who hugged me tightly when you sleep, always kiss me, and always say that you love me
You praised that the food I served you is good and delicious
that I'm the best cook in the world
that I'm the best mummy in the world
that I smell soooo nice
that I look so pretty

Emir,
there's no way that i can find someone like you in the whole world
you are very intelligent and smart
you are handsome and considerate

Emir
Even though sometimes you drive me up the wall
such as when you disturbed your sister
and you throw tanstrums when your expectation is not met
but even then you gave in so easily to me
and the "sorry" words you uttered to me seconds later
always followed by your kisses

Emir
I prayed you grow into a good person dunia akhirat
that you become a good son
and you become most successful in the real meaningful sense

Kids and new school

This year my daughter started her primary school. She had been so excited about this transition to a bigger school. The first week was filled with excitement for her. She adapted very well. The first day I hang out at the school for the whole day. Funny to see so many parents hanging around like me. Lots of them filled the whole window panes until the security send them away. The second day I stayed there for half day. The third day I only came during lunch to see her. The following days I never showed my face again, hahaha.
I don't know who's more thrilled, between me or Fatini. I was so proud of her. She got independent speedily and already making friends.
My son is on the next level of kindergarten. He was excited too but somehow his excitement was always clouded by Fatini's. Everytime he started to tell me about his day, Fatini will tell her side in a more excited voice. I think he felt jealous a bit and Fatini was not helping at all with her cutting in on his conversation.

Just you wait, Emir, just another year and you'll be in Primary school.

Holiday Dec 2010

In December 2010 we went to the famous Australia Gold Coast. I planned for a two weeks vacation to complete the school holiday. We had ourself a selfcontained apartment at Surfers Paradise, just a block away from the famous beach. We also rented a car to get us around.
Obviously this december happened to be a difficult time for Australia as some part of Queensland had been striken with a flood disaster. Luckily it did not affect Gold Coast even though half the time we were there it was raining and windy. But the temperature was quite warm and cozy.
Anyway, it didn't dampen the kids spirit. Emir and Fatini loved Gold Coast for the various attraction it offered.
We went to the Sea world, Movie world, Wet&wild, the Paradise Farm, Carrambin Wild Life, Carrera Market, the beach, the parks etc. Mostly, we visited each place about twice so that the kids could enjoy their time to their heart contents.
We also loved the restaurants which served lovely dishes.

Emir behaved much better during this vacation than he had on previous year vacation in Hong Kong where he threw a major tantrum mostly out of exhaustion. He grew up a bit this year. There were small tantrums here and there but manageable tiny ones. Fatini was on her best behaviour as always. We used prams everywhere we went so that the kids wouldn't be too tired from too much walking. And the prams helped us to carry the bags as well. A side benefit was prams allowed us to get a special entrance during some peak days at the theme park.

We came back on the 1st January. Fatini supposed to start school on the 3rd. Luckily most preparation had been done before we went to the vacation.
As normal, after come back to Malaysia, I was swarmed with laundry and housework and some tidbits tasks left for Fatini's school preparation.
Anyway, I would say that the kids were happy and I was happy for the break and time spent with my kids.

Three more days to HariRaya. The excitement is mounting and so does work, both at home and at the office. The kids are happy to have both mommy and papa on holiday, even though a short holiday. We are flying to Penang and then will rent a car to go back to hubby home town.
All preparations are complete, the new clothes for the kids, the cookies, the new shoes, everything! Fatini is the happiest as she has been "fasting" half day throughout the month.
House cleaning in progress and the ironing is done. I am all set.
The kids have been the apples of my eyes. Both growing up and become more matured. Even Fatini has taught Emir the meaning of puasa - "Emir, puasa means cannot eat, she said" since Emir always said he is fasting when asked even though he's busy chewing something.
They also enjoyed playing small fireworks in the garden at night and fatini liked to wake up for the early breakfast and eat a spoonful or so of porridge.
I am looking forward the spend this precious time with my family.

Kids in Ramadhan

This year, I introduced the concept of fasting to my kids. Fatini, age 6, started fasting on her own will for half day since day one of Ramadhan. She woke up early to eat with eyes half closed. I didn’t really wake her early, just early enough such that the sun has not risen.

For the first time she didn’t have the early breakfast today. I warned her that if she didn’t wake up to eat, she can’t fast today and she cried her stubborn cry saying she wanted to fast. On top of that she said, she wanted to do it full day today. So, let’s see …She has a good courage and a good understanding. It doesn’t matter if she couldn’t pull it through. I thought it would be difficult to teach them about fasting, surprisingly everything goes well.

Off course Fatini asked me why we fast. It’s difficult for me to reason on religious basis with her because of her string of why’s. So I told her about the poor people who do not have food to eat and have to suffer hunger all day long. And that she will get new dresses and new toys on HariRaya. That make her happy enough and looking forward to HariRaya.

Even though meals are simple every night (my cooking) but it’s been a lovely time to have all sitting at the table for the fast breaking every evening. My husband and I made sure we go home early everyday for this special time.

Fatini and Emir also like going to the small mosque nearby every night because of the playground and that they can meet and play with new friends since there are quite a few kids coming to the mosque as well. They don’t pray but their presence add cheers to the night.

A note to myself

Let the children be children. Being children means

1. they will do things to annoy you
2. they will embarrass you in public like banging tables and shouting in restaurants
3. they will fight amongst each other
4. the girls will whine and cry
5. the boys will pinch and push
6. they won’t listen to you 90% of the time
7. they will argue with you
8. they don’t move when you ask them to do something
9. they watch TV all the time
10. they won’t brush their teeth when you tell them
11. they won’t go to bed when you tell them
12. they don’t eat what you serve
13. they will ask to eat what you don’t have or let them
14. they will dawdle when you are rushing
15. they will cry and shout loudly
16. they will demand toys you don’t want to buy
17. they will push you to the limit!

… but they will also

1. say “I love you” so very often
2. shower you with kisses, night and day,
3. call you mummy
4. massage your back when you said you are in pain
5. hug you 100 times a day
6. laugh at your jokes
7. talk to you when you have nobody to talk to
8. fight to sleep next to you every night
9. fight to sit next to you
10. touch your face and hair
11. sleep on your lap
12. praise ” you are so beautiful” to you
13. never forget your birthday, mother’s day, valentine day and give you wishes and cards
14. keep you company

So, give the children what they need which are love and patience.

Emir and the dentist

I don’t know what to say about Emir. Half of the time he will be most adorable and the next half, he will do what he likes. He also kept me surprised with all his unexpected antics.

We went to see the dentist for check ups last month and found out that he has holes in his teeth. Quite significant ones. I have overlooked this, I felt terrible. Fatini’s teeth was allright though , except for one which was filled up last week. Fatini even though quite hesitant to sit in the dentist seat, once seated will remain quiet until everything is done to perfection.

Today was the third visit for Emir. It had been difficult to get him to open his mouth, to sit still and to let the dentist work on his teeth. On the 2^nd visit a few weeks ago, he stopped the dentist, pulled out the instruments and the napkin and got up, saying ‘ I’m done’ while the dentist was still trying to fill up the tooth. We were offcourse (dentist, nurse and me) all tried to hold him still.

Anyway, today’s visit has improved, but still, he was rolling his body constantly, putting his legs up, etc and at one point actually told me a story, ‘you know mummy, when I was ….bla, bla, bla…” while the dentist still had his hands in his mouth! And we tried to stop him talking.

Anyway, the dentist had no choice than to expedite the filling job, the work according to him was not as perfect since Emir could not let him clean the tooth properly. Emir still have a few more visits to go. Hopefully he will be able to cooperate better next time.

Rambling

Yesterday coming back from work, while travelling, all of a sudden, all cars stopped and traffic built up real fast. Normally the road stretch is quite easy in traffic. So all kind of cars started to show their impatience, squeezing here and there, showing the "I'm smarter, you're stupid" kind of attitude. Anyway, when I finally arived at the 'cause 'of the traffic jam, the scene I saw just dampened my spirit to the lowest level. A fatal accident, a motorist (bike rider) killed by a car. Somebody's father, somebody's son was lying on the road. The police were already there taking control of the madness.

You know what, no matter how rude the bikers are, there are equal amount of rude and reckless drivers. You really don't want to hurt or kill anybody, God forbids. Always watch out for pedestrians and the bikers. For bikers, even though you think, "if you dare to hit me..." kind of thoughts, please consider there are young drivers, old drivers, drunk drivers, smart XXX drivers, worried drivers, depressed drivers, in-a-hurry drivers, etc, etc so please do consider.

Monday morning

This morning was really a tiring one for me. I woke up late to start with and jumped out of the bed. I couldn't sleep last night, last I checked on the time it was almost 4 am before I fell asleep.

Anyway this morning, I tried my best, speediest efforts to tidy up the mess and prepared the children's bags. Then my husband told me, my car couldn't start. That's it, I was going to be very late.

The car had been temperamental lately. Sometimes it refused to start. Anyway, this morning when my husband tried again, the car started. However, I was hesitant to drive the car, fearing it might break down somewhere on the highway. Me, children and a broken down car, no way...!!!

After discussion, I reluctantly agreed to drive hubby's car and for him to take my car to the workshop. I am not used to driving his car and I am always nervous to drive his car. If I or anybody get the car scratched or dirtied, I would be hearing no ends to his complaints.

Anyway, after getting myself comfortable in the driver seat, I drove his car very carefully and thank God, there was no traffic jam whatsoever on the road. I safely delivered the children at school and arrived at work. I hope the traffic won't be too packed on the road later today when it is time to go home.

I recently have been thinking the time I took to get to work and back. It was too time consuming, too stressful and the bad traffic jam is taking a toll on my body. I am really seriously thinking about quiting my job in the city centre and find another one outside the city.

Ben 10

Emir said to me , "Mummy..., can you buy me a real Ben 10 watch so that I can transform to superpowers and save people..., please, please...."
I said," i bought you Ben 10 watch already!" and he said, " That's a toy Ben 10 watch, what I want is a real Ben 10 watch which I can turn and can transform me to superpowers!"

To Emir, Ben 10 is real, and that there is such watch that can transform boys to become whatever aliens... and the good thing is that he wants to save people.

He believed it, and that brought smile to my face, every time he asked it. I am enjoying the chidlren innocence period for now...

The previous weekend, we went to Tanjong Dawai in Kedah. That was part of the trip back to Husband’s home town. I never knew there was a beach there, but the reason we went there was because my brother in law had started his fishery business. We also wanted to take my father in law for a ride and change of scenery.

The beach was not as clean and clear but there were quite a number of people, restaurants and stalls. We got to see the beach as well as the fishing boats moored by the jetty.

We had our evening meal of seafood at one of the outdoor restaurants. It turned out to be very expensive as I expected it to be cheaper than KL due to the remoteness and low maintenance of the place. Anyway I guess, the business people take advantage of the load of people visiting the beach.

Before returning to my MIL's house, we we went to Sg Petani where all the siblings and children gathered together for chit chat until late. Fatini and Emir were so happy to meet their cousins there especially Aishah and Armani. Armani has been, since small, an ardent admirer of Emir, we and even the grandparents had always wondered at the chemistry there. She's always like "Emir, Emir, Emir..."

Since the children were already big and had their scheduled activities it has been difficult to find time to go back to my hubby's home town due to the long and tiring journey. However, we tried to every three months or so. Andt when we did, we had nothing but good times. I had always enjoyed this part of Malaysia especially the food.

My Day

Sunday was Mother’s day, yesterday was my anniversary and today is my birthday. May is really a special month for me. It is also the month of my sister’s birthday and my mom’s.

Fatini and Emir prepared a mother’s card at school. Fatini had been really monitoring mother’s day and kept on asking me day by day until Sunday. She's marvellous at remembering dates and days :-)

Last night, husband took us to dinner to celebrate my birthday cum anniversary. At first I thought it was just an ordinary dinner. So okay, no problem, let's go. But I dressed up a little bit though. After some drive, it turned out he brought us to Hilton at Sentral. Well, Fatini and Emir were awed by the hotel security checking the car boot and the underside before letting us through into the car park.

The dinner was at the Boardwalk by the poolside. It was a romantic place, but we were booked with table for four, off course. However, the view from the restaurant overlooking the city at night was fantastic. I was quite pleased with the place.


There, while enjoying the scenes and drinks we were serenaded by a trio singer with guitar and drum beats, and the quiet atmosphere (that was before the kids arrived) was pleasant. Emir was besotted with the singers and kept on watching them singing which was just nearby our table. We had also ordered dinner to our heart content. Fatini couldn't wait to eat.

Then the singers ended their singing session , I was not sure what the time was, as I was enjoying the moments. They sang beautifully and I was sorry the session ended. A while after, they approached our table, I thought they were just dropping to say Hi and Goodbye to us especially to Emir who had been watching them with a high level of admiration. I said to Emir, look! the singers come to see you. After saying hi and small talk with us, all of a sudden they started singing softly Happy Birthday song and a waiter, at the same time, brought a cake complete with candle and all glory to our table. Was that for me....? Wow!, that’s the first time I had been serenanded and celebrated that way, and in surprise. So they sang with guitar and music, with Emir’s loudly sang along, Happy Brithday to Mummy and the cake had Happy Brithday Mummy written on it and huge strawberries. Fatini who didn’t expect the surprise felt shy a little bit but Emir was singing happily aloud.

I was taken aback by my husband’s show of creativity in producing this surprise for me, I just didn’t expect it from him. Was that really him after all these years.... Thank you so much darling.

So we went home after, as the kids were getting sleepy and drowsy. Once at home, I was as usual, got immediately busy in the kitchen cleaning up and making milk for Emir, when all of a sudden I heard the kids murmurs of excitement again and my husband produced another surprise for me, a bouquet of roses. That was ah! so sweet.






I was so happy and touched by the family in celebrating my birthday. Who else in this world will share the special days with me if not them. Their acts made me forget all the exhaustion and nitty gritties that come along with being a working wife and mother.

Anyway, I thought last night was it, but unexpectedly this morning, I had another surprise. I think that’s the final one, hahaha. Anyway, thank you to my husband and my children for the wonderful dinner and surprises and presents. I love you all very, very much.

Test

Last Saturday we went to send Fatini to sit for a readiness test for entry to a private school next year. It is an option for us, still considering lots of other things. She seems to like the school and can't wait to start. The subjects tested were Math, English and Bahasa. Fatini said they were easy. Really? Well, we'll see when the results are out.

My warriors

Last Sunday, Fatini and Emir were attending the taekwondo grading exams. I felt very proud to see their utter dedication. We were a little worried about Emir, afraid that he may not take the exam seriously, however, as always, Emir gave me a wonderful surprise. He knows when to take things seriously and when to be playful. He was the littlest, it looked like, at 4+ years old. My children had done very well and I am, as always, the proud parent.

Fatini is six years old. I found it difficult to believe that she’s a big girl now, growing right in front of my eyes. She has developed characters of her own. I am happy that she has lots of positive qualities and I can feel but humungous pride for her.

I had arranged for a birthday party at home last Sunday. Since I like to start party in the morning, we started early at 10 am when guests began to arrive. I hope the kids have had good times. Having a party at home required a lot of hectic planning and I still managed to forget a few things like the cake knife, a thing here and a thing there. I got lots of help from my sis in law Intan, and my sisters Liza and dak Angah who came all the way from Melaka. Without them, I don't think I could cope by myself. So my gratitude to them. All in all, I think it went well, I was happy and greatly relieved. Fatini’s cousins and friends all came to make her party special. I hope Fatini will remember this event in her life.

Some pictures for show.