With All My Heart

2012-01-10T11:49:00.000+08:00

Health is something that we took for granted until finally it fails us. Health is what we delay until such time it becomes an emergency. I wish I was as healthy as I used to be. I wish I don't have anything to complain about.

But reality has to set in. I have back ache that bothers me on and off. I have shoulder pain in the joint that need physiotherapy. I feel tired and exhausted on certain days.

Maybe it's the food, maybe it's my lifestyle. Maybe it's the thing in the air that I breathe in. Maybe it's the day to day pressure that reaps my energy away.

I decided that I should be healthy and happy. Not to waste my life and time on trivials and irritations. To enjoy life and to laugh. To think positively on everything.

Since it's the new year, what would be a better time than now to rejuvenate my spirits! I have years to live on, insyaallah.

2012-01-03T15:48:00.000+08:00

In June 2009, exactly 2 and half years ago, I wrote about my father. Today I am writing about him, but this time with tears in my eyes and a heart that's totally broken.

He passed away as peacefully as any man could be on the 14th December 2011. He died an honoured man, much loved by wife, children, relatives and friends. Our house was full with people visiting him for the last time. How I wished he had that many visitors while he was lying sick on the bed.

He had been in and out of the hospital regularly for check ups, so I didn't expect that when we decided to admit him to Pantai hospital two days earlier, it was his last. On admission, the doctor advised that his blood pressure was low and kept on reducing. His heart was weakening.

There was a confusion about relaying this message to us as nobody told us he was dying.

He died at 10.35pm on wednesday, with most family by his side, except me. It was a cold, wet rainy night. I drove all the way praying for him, when finally I reached him I called his name to wake him up and the doctor held me back informing the sad news.

I felt so disappointed I couldn't reach him on time. There he was, my father, lying so still, and I felt like a little girl again, waiting for my father to come and greet me.

Throughout the night, it was difficult to believe he was gone, he looked like he was sleeping. I almost wondered maybe the doctor was wrong!

After the funerals and all, I was crying and thinking, oh my father, oh my father.... there was something in my heart that felt the guilt... have I done all I should as his daughter....I had done so little and he had done so much for me.

I felt why was time so short, or has it flown past so fast I didn't realise I'm getting old and he was going ... what a life on this earth is, except to live a while and raise children and move on.... and what was life for my father except to dedicate his life to his children and then passed on.

Memories are what hurt me the most! I wished I could have the time again, being the growing up girl, enjoying my father's presence, having his indulgent smiles on me, waiting for him, being waited on by him.....

"Ayah, I pray for you, that you have a much better life in the hereafter, that Allah forgive you and bless you and put you in Jannah together with those mukminin and solihin..Amin..."

2011-09-30T15:48:00.000+08:00

Hari Raya month is over finally. As a family we had a good time this year. I think I enjoyed every moment of it. My kids are growing up fine and my extended family is ever expanding. It was a great time for me, as my kids began to understand Ramadhan and enjoyed Hariraya.

I took a week holiday off work and it went by very fast. It was a busy one, went back to Melaka and then flew to Kedah. Then we organized an open house at home and received lots of friends and relative.
My kids were excited too. Fatini who is seven years old this year, started the fasting ritual. She never missed her sahur time and understand her obligation in fasting, which made me tremendously proud of her. I didn't have to do much work to get her to start the fasting at her age. I did have to carry her to the dinner table though and she ate with eyes closed sometimes. But the determination was there. She always makes me proud by the way, performing very well in school and in anything she does.

Emir, who has not started fasting yet, enjoyed the break fasting rituals and never missed it. In fact he woke up to join us in the early sahur time once or twice.

Well, I can say we had a great time this year.

To Emir

2011-01-17T17:08:00.000+08:00

Emir had his birthday last December. He turned 5. He didn't have a big party this year because I was too busy. However we celebrated his birthday at school.
No matter what, he was so happy. and being Emir, his feeling showed to the utmost. He had been talking to his friends about his birthday the whole week.

Emir,
You are 5 already. You are the dearest to my heart. I love you so much.
It doesn't take much to make you happy and your feelings show clearly everytime.
You are the one who hugged me tightly when you sleep, always kiss me, and always say that you love me
You praised that the food I served you is good and delicious
that I'm the best cook in the world
that I'm the best mummy in the world
that I smell soooo nice
that I look so pretty

Emir,
there's no way that i can find someone like you in the whole world
you are very intelligent and smart
you are handsome and considerate

Emir
Even though sometimes you drive me up the wall
such as when you disturbed your sister
and you throw tanstrums when your expectation is not met
but even then you gave in so easily to me
and the "sorry" words you uttered to me seconds later
always followed by your kisses

Emir
I prayed you grow into a good person dunia akhirat
that you become a good son
and you become most successful in the real meaningful sense

Kids and new school

2011-01-17T16:53:00.000+08:00

This year my daughter started her primary school. She had been so excited about this transition to a bigger school. The first week was filled with excitement for her. She adapted very well. The first day I hang out at the school for the whole day. Funny to see so many parents hanging around like me. Lots of them filled the whole window panes until the security send them away. The second day I stayed there for half day. The third day I only came during lunch to see her. The following days I never showed my face again, hahaha.
I don't know who's more thrilled, between me or Fatini. I was so proud of her. She got independent speedily and already making friends.
My son is on the next level of kindergarten. He was excited too but somehow his excitement was always clouded by Fatini's. Everytime he started to tell me about his day, Fatini will tell her side in a more excited voice. I think he felt jealous a bit and Fatini was not helping at all with her cutting in on his conversation.

Just you wait, Emir, just another year and you'll be in Primary school.

Holiday Dec 2010

2011-01-15T09:54:00.000+08:00

In December 2010 we went to the famous Australia Gold Coast. I planned for a two weeks vacation to complete the school holiday. We had ourself a selfcontained apartment at Surfers Paradise, just a block away from the famous beach. We also rented a car to get us around.
Obviously this december happened to be a difficult time for Australia as some part of Queensland had been striken with a flood disaster. Luckily it did not affect Gold Coast even though half the time we were there it was raining and windy. But the temperature was quite warm and cozy.
Anyway, it didn't dampen the kids spirit. Emir and Fatini loved Gold Coast for the various attraction it offered.
We went to the Sea world, Movie world, Wet&wild, the Paradise Farm, Carrambin Wild Life, Carrera Market, the beach, the parks etc. Mostly, we visited each place about twice so that the kids could enjoy their time to their heart contents.
We also loved the restaurants which served lovely dishes.

Emir behaved much better during this vacation than he had on previous year vacation in Hong Kong where he threw a major tantrum mostly out of exhaustion. He grew up a bit this year. There were small tantrums here and there but manageable tiny ones. Fatini was on her best behaviour as always. We used prams everywhere we went so that the kids wouldn't be too tired from too much walking. And the prams helped us to carry the bags as well. A side benefit was prams allowed us to get a special entrance during some peak days at the theme park.

We came back on the 1st January. Fatini supposed to start school on the 3rd. Luckily most preparation had been done before we went to the vacation.
As normal, after come back to Malaysia, I was swarmed with laundry and housework and some tidbits tasks left for Fatini's school preparation.
Anyway, I would say that the kids were happy and I was happy for the break and time spent with my kids.

2010-09-06T14:17:00.002+08:00

Three more days to HariRaya. The excitement is mounting and so does work, both at home and at the office. The kids are happy to have both mommy and papa on holiday, even though a short holiday. We are flying to Penang and then will rent a car to go back to hubby home town.
All preparations are complete, the new clothes for the kids, the cookies, the new shoes, everything! Fatini is the happiest as she has been "fasting" half day throughout the month.
House cleaning in progress and the ironing is done. I am all set.
The kids have been the apples of my eyes. Both growing up and become more matured. Even Fatini has taught Emir the meaning of puasa - "Emir, puasa means cannot eat, she said" since Emir always said he is fasting when asked even though he's busy chewing something.
They also enjoyed playing small fireworks in the garden at night and fatini liked to wake up for the early breakfast and eat a spoonful or so of porridge.
I am looking forward the spend this precious time with my family.

Kids in Ramadhan

2010-08-20T15:57:00.002+08:00

This year, I introduced the concept of fasting to my kids. Fatini, age 6, started fasting on her own will for half day since day one of Ramadhan. She woke up early to eat with eyes half closed. I didn’t really wake her early, just early enough such that the sun has not risen.

For the first time she didn’t have the early breakfast today. I warned her that if she didn’t wake up to eat, she can’t fast today and she cried her stubborn cry saying she wanted to fast. On top of that she said, she wanted to do it full day today. So, let’s see …She has a good courage and a good understanding. It doesn’t matter if she couldn’t pull it through. I thought it would be difficult to teach them about fasting, surprisingly everything goes well.

Off course Fatini asked me why we fast. It’s difficult for me to reason on religious basis with her because of her string of why’s. So I told her about the poor people who do not have food to eat and have to suffer hunger all day long. And that she will get new dresses and new toys on HariRaya. That make her happy enough and looking forward to HariRaya.

Even though meals are simple every night (my cooking) but it’s been a lovely time to have all sitting at the table for the fast breaking every evening. My husband and I made sure we go home early everyday for this special time.

Fatini and Emir also like going to the small mosque nearby every night because of the playground and that they can meet and play with new friends since there are quite a few kids coming to the mosque as well. They don’t pray but their presence add cheers to the night.

A note to myself

2010-06-11T14:59:00.003+08:00

Let the children be children. Being children means

they will do things to annoy you
they will embarrass you in public like banging tables and shouting in restaurants
they will fight amongst each other
the girls will whine and cry
the boys will pinch and push
they won’t listen to you 90% of the time
they will argue with you
they don’t move when you ask them to do something
they watch TV all the time
they won’t brush their teeth when you tell them
they won’t go to bed when you tell them
they don’t eat what you serve
they will ask to eat what you don’t have or let them
they will dawdle when you are rushing
they will cry and shout loudly
they will demand toys you don’t want to buy
they will push you to the limit!

… but they will also

say “I love you” so very often
shower you with kisses, night and day,
call you mummy
massage your back when you said you are in pain
hug you 100 times a day
laugh at your jokes
talk to you when you have nobody to talk to
fight to sleep next to you every night
fight to sit next to you
touch your face and hair
sleep on your lap
praise ” you are so beautiful” to you
never forget your birthday, mother’s day, valentine day and give you wishes and cards
keep you company

So, give the children what they need which are love and patience.

Emir and the dentist

2010-06-08T17:01:00.003+08:00

I don’t know what to say about Emir. Half of the time he will be most adorable and the next half, he will do what he likes. He also kept me surprised with all his unexpected antics.

We went to see the dentist for check ups last month and found out that he has holes in his teeth. Quite significant ones. I have overlooked this, I felt terrible. Fatini’s teeth was allright though , except for one which was filled up last week. Fatini even though quite hesitant to sit in the dentist seat, once seated will remain quiet until everything is done to perfection.

Today was the third visit for Emir. It had been difficult to get him to open his mouth, to sit still and to let the dentist work on his teeth. On the 2^nd visit a few weeks ago, he stopped the dentist, pulled out the instruments and the napkin and got up, saying ‘ I’m done’ while the dentist was still trying to fill up the tooth. We were offcourse (dentist, nurse and me) all tried to hold him still.

Anyway, today’s visit has improved, but still, he was rolling his body constantly, putting his legs up, etc and at one point actually told me a story, ‘you know mummy, when I was ….bla, bla, bla…” while the dentist still had his hands in his mouth! And we tried to stop him talking.

Anyway, the dentist had no choice than to expedite the filling job, the work according to him was not as perfect since Emir could not let him clean the tooth properly. Emir still have a few more visits to go. Hopefully he will be able to cooperate better next time.

Rambling

2010-05-25T11:30:00.002+08:00

Yesterday coming back from work, while travelling, all of a sudden, all cars stopped and traffic built up real fast. Normally the road stretch is quite easy in traffic. So all kind of cars started to show their impatience, squeezing here and there, showing the "I'm smarter, you're stupid" kind of attitude. Anyway, when I finally arived at the 'cause 'of the traffic jam, the scene I saw just dampened my spirit to the lowest level. A fatal accident, a motorist (bike rider) killed by a car. Somebody's father, somebody's son was lying on the road. The police were already there taking control of the madness.

You know what, no matter how rude the bikers are, there are equal amount of rude and reckless drivers. You really don't want to hurt or kill anybody, God forbids. Always watch out for pedestrians and the bikers. For bikers, even though you think, "if you dare to hit me..." kind of thoughts, please consider there are young drivers, old drivers, drunk drivers, smart XXX drivers, worried drivers, depressed drivers, in-a-hurry drivers, etc, etc so please do consider.

Monday morning

2010-05-24T15:58:00.003+08:00

This morning was really a tiring one for me. I woke up late to start with and jumped out of the bed. I couldn't sleep last night, last I checked on the time it was almost 4 am before I fell asleep.

Anyway this morning, I tried my best, speediest efforts to tidy up the mess and prepared the children's bags. Then my husband told me, my car couldn't start. That's it, I was going to be very late.

The car had been temperamental lately. Sometimes it refused to start. Anyway, this morning when my husband tried again, the car started. However, I was hesitant to drive the car, fearing it might break down somewhere on the highway. Me, children and a broken down car, no way...!!!

After discussion, I reluctantly agreed to drive hubby's car and for him to take my car to the workshop. I am not used to driving his car and I am always nervous to drive his car. If I or anybody get the car scratched or dirtied, I would be hearing no ends to his complaints.

Anyway, after getting myself comfortable in the driver seat, I drove his car very carefully and thank God, there was no traffic jam whatsoever on the road. I safely delivered the children at school and arrived at work. I hope the traffic won't be too packed on the road later today when it is time to go home.

I recently have been thinking the time I took to get to work and back. It was too time consuming, too stressful and the bad traffic jam is taking a toll on my body. I am really seriously thinking about quiting my job in the city centre and find another one outside the city.

Ben 10

2010-05-21T09:34:00.004+08:00

Emir said to me , "Mummy..., can you buy me a real Ben 10 watch so that I can transform to superpowers and save people..., please, please...."
I said," i bought you Ben 10 watch already!" and he said, " That's a toy Ben 10 watch, what I want is a real Ben 10 watch which I can turn and can transform me to superpowers!"

To Emir, Ben 10 is real, and that there is such watch that can transform boys to become whatever aliens... and the good thing is that he wants to save people.

He believed it, and that brought smile to my face, every time he asked it. I am enjoying the chidlren innocence period for now...

2010-05-14T16:18:00.001+08:00

The previous weekend, we went to Tanjong Dawai in Kedah. That was part of the trip back to Husband’s home town. I never knew there was a beach there, but the reason we went there was because my brother in law had started his fishery business. We also wanted to take my father in law for a ride and change of scenery.

The beach was not as clean and clear but there were quite a number of people, restaurants and stalls. We got to see the beach as well as the fishing boats moored by the jetty.

We had our evening meal of seafood at one of the outdoor restaurants. It turned out to be very expensive as I expected it to be cheaper than KL due to the remoteness and low maintenance of the place. Anyway I guess, the business people take advantage of the load of people visiting the beach.

Before returning to my MIL's house, we we went to Sg Petani where all the siblings and children gathered together for chit chat until late. Fatini and Emir were so happy to meet their cousins there especially Aishah and Armani. Armani has been, since small, an ardent admirer of Emir, we and even the grandparents had always wondered at the chemistry there. She's always like "Emir, Emir, Emir..."

Since the children were already big and had their scheduled activities it has been difficult to find time to go back to my hubby's home town due to the long and tiring journey. However, we tried to every three months or so. Andt when we did, we had nothing but good times. I had always enjoyed this part of Malaysia especially the food.

My Day

2010-05-11T15:17:00.004+08:00

Sunday was Mother’s day, yesterday was my anniversary and today is my birthday. May is really a special month for me. It is also the month of my sister’s birthday and my mom’s.

Fatini and Emir prepared a mother’s card at school. Fatini had been really monitoring mother’s day and kept on asking me day by day until Sunday. She's marvellous at remembering dates and days :-)

Last night, husband took us to dinner to celebrate my birthday cum anniversary. At first I thought it was just an ordinary dinner. So okay, no problem, let's go. But I dressed up a little bit though. After some drive, it turned out he brought us to Hilton at Sentral. Well, Fatini and Emir were awed by the hotel security checking the car boot and the underside before letting us through into the car park.

The dinner was at the Boardwalk by the poolside. It was a romantic place, but we were booked with table for four, off course. However, the view from the restaurant overlooking the city at night was fantastic. I was quite pleased with the place.

There, while enjoying the scenes and drinks we were serenaded by a trio singer with guitar and drum beats, and the quiet atmosphere (that was before the kids arrived) was pleasant. Emir was besotted with the singers and kept on watching them singing which was just nearby our table. We had also ordered dinner to our heart content. Fatini couldn't wait to eat.

Then the singers ended their singing session , I was not sure what the time was, as I was enjoying the moments. They sang beautifully and I was sorry the session ended. A while after, they approached our table, I thought they were just dropping to say Hi and Goodbye to us especially to Emir who had been watching them with a high level of admiration. I said to Emir, look! the singers come to see you. After saying hi and small talk with us, all of a sudden they started singing softly Happy Birthday song and a waiter, at the same time, brought a cake complete with candle and all glory to our table. Was that for me....? Wow!, that’s the first time I had been serenanded and celebrated that way, and in surprise. So they sang with guitar and music, with Emir’s loudly sang along, Happy Brithday to Mummy and the cake had Happy Brithday Mummy written on it and huge strawberries. Fatini who didn’t expect the surprise felt shy a little bit but Emir was singing happily aloud.

I was taken aback by my husband’s show of creativity in producing this surprise for me, I just didn’t expect it from him. Was that really him after all these years.... Thank you so much darling.

So we went home after, as the kids were getting sleepy and drowsy. Once at home, I was as usual, got immediately busy in the kitchen cleaning up and making milk for Emir, when all of a sudden I heard the kids murmurs of excitement again and my husband produced another surprise for me, a bouquet of roses. That was ah! so sweet.

I was so happy and touched by the family in celebrating my birthday. Who else in this world will share the special days with me if not them. Their acts made me forget all the exhaustion and nitty gritties that come along with being a working wife and mother.

Anyway, I thought last night was it, but unexpectedly this morning, I had another surprise. I think that’s the final one, hahaha. Anyway, thank you to my husband and my children for the wonderful dinner and surprises and presents. I love you all very, very much.

Test

2010-04-28T15:20:00.002+08:00

Last Saturday we went to send Fatini to sit for a readiness test for entry to a private school next year. It is an option for us, still considering lots of other things. She seems to like the school and can't wait to start. The subjects tested were Math, English and Bahasa. Fatini said they were easy. Really? Well, we'll see when the results are out.

My warriors

2010-04-27T09:56:00.003+08:00

Last Sunday, Fatini and Emir were attending the taekwondo grading exams. I felt very proud to see their utter dedication. We were a little worried about Emir, afraid that he may not take the exam seriously, however, as always, Emir gave me a wonderful surprise. He knows when to take things seriously and when to be playful. He was the littlest, it looked like, at 4+ years old. My children had done very well and I am, as always, the proud parent.

2010-04-20T10:33:00.003+08:00

Fatini is six years old. I found it difficult to believe that she’s a big girl now, growing right in front of my eyes. She has developed characters of her own. I am happy that she has lots of positive qualities and I can feel but humungous pride for her.

I had arranged for a birthday party at home last Sunday. Since I like to start party in the morning, we started early at 10 am when guests began to arrive. I hope the kids have had good times. Having a party at home required a lot of hectic planning and I still managed to forget a few things like the cake knife, a thing here and a thing there. I got lots of help from my sis in law Intan, and my sisters Liza and dak Angah who came all the way from Melaka. Without them, I don't think I could cope by myself. So my gratitude to them. All in all, I think it went well, I was happy and greatly relieved. Fatini’s cousins and friends all came to make her party special. I hope Fatini will remember this event in her life.

Some pictures for show.

2010-04-01T12:35:00.002+08:00

I have not been writing a long time, blame it on no time, no mood , no story to tell, or whatever…. Anyway, I certainly want to continue telling about my kids if not anything else that’s more exciting …. Emir who turned 4 last December has made an absolutely brilliant progress in reading and truth be told, it surprised me, but I was extremely thrilled by it. Why, he didn’t even want tor read last year, except listening to story read by me. But when I tried to teach him he had refused and shied away from it. Which had triggered sparks of concern from me, which is obviously unwarranted. All of a sudden this year, he showed a lot of interest and ta da…! he reads already… simple words but I think he is a lot advanced than expected….and he reads almost every night! What a joy!

Fatini, is turning 6 in two weeks time, and is an absolute darling to her teachers at school. She reads very well and that has started to include thicker informative materials. She’s obedient at school but at home , it’s another story altogether. Don’t ask me but she has a natural talent to drive me insane. What to say… that’s how the children behave when the mummy is around, more carefree with their feelings and I guess they will always try to test their boundaries within the safe surrounding.

This year Fatini will be spending her last year of kindergarten and gosh it’s already April. With her birthday coming so soon, I am planning her birthday to be celebrated at home so that she could bring her friends to our home. And this is a major headache for me right now. It is always more messy to do it at home and I’m running out of time and has progressed absolutely zero as of now. I am a bit confused with organizers and I don’t know how reliable they are. I just hope that finally everything will be going smoothly. I certainly have lots of work to do.

2010-03-15T14:54:00.001+08:00

We had a young guest last weekend. It was Fatini’s best friend, Suzu, a Japanese girl. She’s leaving Malaysia soon, to go back to her home country Japan after some years living here. Since they were so close and had spent so much time together all this while, I decided to ask the Mom if she could let Suzu spend a night at our place.

On that afternoon, we had arranged for a small get together at another mom's place, the kids were looking forward to it so much that Fatini had been nagging about "when are we going there" since the morning. They had a swim in the pool amongst themselves. The kids really loved to spend time together. Come evening, we brought Suzu home for overnight. Fatini was so elated to have her at home.

We hope Suzu had a great time at our home.

2010-03-08T08:53:00.002+08:00

Another meet with school friends at one's home. It was such a thrill and what can I say... it was dark by the time we decided to part. I realized that no matter how long I have separated from them, when we met, time seemed to freeze, we were back to school days, except that we are more matured now in our thinking and things that we talked about were also different. However, all in all, I can say that my friends really haven't changed!

2010-02-18T09:51:00.003+08:00

We had a high school reunion a couple of weeks ago. It was in Seremban but those in KL took the time to drive all the way there. This was the first after we left Form 5 so I was so nervous to go, to meet back everybody after a long time of separation. It turned out that I was not the only one feeling this way. These were the people I grew up with for 5 years. Since my school was co-ed, there were what used to be the boys too, now all grown men. Those that were so naughty turned out well after all, holding important positions in various organizations.

Well, in high school, there were those that I was closed too and those friends who were not so closed but friends nevertheless. So meeting the classmates and the best friends were the event for me that I really looked forward to.

It turned out to be a lot of fun. About 51 of us turned up which is slightly less than half. We had a fantastic time, mostly talking and joking around, ignoring the foods. Took some pictures and a couple of people were nice enough to prepare goody bags to distribute to all.

Lots of us have changed in appearance, especially the men, with all the bellies and all. The women mostly maintained even though some has grown in size widthwise, including me hahaha.

A few of have 6 to7 children, wow, married as young as 19! Some only have one child. Some of the women were professionals like doctors, lecturers and some were housewives. We have amongst us who married each other too!

I don’t know when we’ll meet again the whole lot. I was happy to meet them and hope we will continue to meet agaqin.

2010-02-17T10:34:00.002+08:00

We didn’t go anywhere this 4 day weekend. Decided just to stay at home and did some cleaning up, rearranging and hanging things. But most importantly to me, this weekend marked a major milestone progress for my kids. Fatini has started to sleep in a separate room. This was solely her initiative. That's what she wanted and Me half heartedly between being happy and difficulty to let go, relented to the wish.

We made up one of the rooms so that it tallies with her taste. Just as quickly, she started to move her photos (and Emir’s), favourites toys and books to the racks in the room. Now she and Emir started to spend more time in the room. She wanted a room for herself separate from Emir, but Emir wanted to share her room. I managed to talked her into the room sharing idea though.

Then come night time she wanted to sleep there. Considering she had sharing my bed all these times, this was a major step for her and it was quite admirable. She had been very brave and courageous to make such a big move. It just happened so naturally. All she asked was not to switch off the light as she said she was scared of the dark.

I thought well , she would sleep throughout the night anyway. Well, she did actually wake up some time in the early hours looking for me asking to send her to the bathroom and then back to her new bed.

Also looks like Emir is following suit soon as this morning he claimed he slept by himself last night! Actually he moved to his sister bed early this morning.

The ones more anxious about the change are actually me and hubby. We kept on putting our heads into the room from time to time to check on her while she’s sleeping. Well, occasionally lying down next to her as well. I thought I would be sleeping with them until they are twelve! It seems not so.

It have been two nights already. I guess that’s it, the slow return of my privacy but the start of my children’s independence.

Sunny morning

2010-01-29T14:45:00.002+08:00

This morning the kids were having such good time in the car on the way to school. The road was jammed, due to the bright early morning sun, however the highly good spirit in the car lightened me up. The kids were joking, laughing and playing together, mind you, without the usual cropping argument or fighting.

Emir who always have a jovial temperament was really laughing at whatever the sister was saying or doing which obviously had the intent to tickle her brother's humor. This does not always happen, I mean, most times, good talks and laughs always interspersed with fighting between the two siblings.

I pray in my heart that the kids will have a good relationship between them throughout their life. That they be for each other despite having their own family later.

2010-01-28T16:51:00.002+08:00

Today I went to the Toys’rus to find a toy. A toy bus actually. Since my kids have been fighting over the one toy bus at home. The one we have at home has been there for years. There’s never been any interest shown before. All of a sudden, recently, both of them think the bus is very interesting. They’ve been fighting over that one bus since a few days ago. Fatini brought it into the car this morning. Emir saw it and wanted it and had been asking for it from the sister, who said No! of course and this made him wanted it more. The fight continued in the car this morning. Which made me promise them that I will get another one today.

But I didn’t find exactly the same one. So I bought another smaller boring version, hopefully they will accept it. And another very small aeroplane, a cheap one too. So that at least each one will have a new toy today. And give me some peace of mind tonight. I didn’t want to spend too much on toys since they just got their daddy to buy some expensive ones last weekend.

We all woke up early this morning. The kids watched TV before gotten ready. I don’t know what to do but I noticed that my kids especially Emir are so into watching TV. I control which channel to watch though. There will be some day when I will lay down rules for TV time.

Tomorrow is another day working before the long weekend. I’m so looking forward to it. I got some activites line up for the children on Saturday morning.

So far so good

2010-01-21T11:05:00.002+08:00

This week I feel a bit under the weather. It’s the flu, I got it and Emir got it. It started with him having the stuffy nose. With him sleeping so close to me , night after night, it’s always been the case, whatever bug he gets, I will eventually get it too.

My head had been aching on one side too since the past few days. I really hope it’s nothing, wishing as I always do despite the worries. I really don’t want to make that trip to the hospital to check my condition. I hate spending my precious time waiting for my turn. And I hate the nervousness when waiting for the medical result. It’s worse than the feeling I felt waiting for my exam results to come out.

My first two weeks of the year has started slowly and surely. My kids are back to their normal routine except that they were proud that they were upgraded to the next level of class. Both of them are excited about growing up and couldn’t wait to be “ mummy and daddy” and me and hubby become “ grandma and grandpa” as they put it.

Saturday morning is as busy as usual with the kids drama classes, only now Fatini has another class to attend which is the hip hop dancing. For me, okay…. The kids can join any class with the condition it doesn’t inconvenient me too much in terms of timing and that the kids love the classes. They can stop any time. Saturday afternoon and the whole Sunday is reserved for family time and swimming.

And me, I am back to work. The work is okay but the travelling in the morning and evening really kills me. It’s more tiring and more stressful to sit in the driver seats for hours than doing actual work at the office. I tried to leave the office earlier to beat the traffic before it starts to jam up.

This year and thereafter, I want to take things more easily, do things more slowly. I want to enjoy life more. Lead a healthy lifestyle. Plan more and achieve more with less effort off course. Most of all I want to bond beautifully with my children, so that they grow up happily.

and where is Heaven

2010-01-14T14:49:00.004+08:00

My niece came back for holiday from Australia and she brought souvenirs for me, a marvelous Revlon lipsticks set, exactly my colours, and for each of my children she bought a pair of crocs. My kids immediately loved them. Pinks one for Fatini and orange colour for Emir. In fact when we went to Hong Kong, they persisted to take the crocs along. In fact my niece bought something for almost everybody within her extended family circle.

Off course I felt happy and touched. Faizah to me is like my little sister or like my own daughter. I don’t have kids who are big enough to buy me presents especially when they come back from somewhere. She’s the first one amongst her generation who ever brought me presents. I was touched and I was happy. She had used her own money for all the souvenirs ( I actually asked !). I remembered she started to buy me something when she was in the secondary school.

I used to tease her when she was in primary school, every time she went for her school trip, and brought her grandmother some souvenirs, I always asked her, “where’s my souvenir, Faizah?” as she never bought for me any thing during that time. Her answer was always, “I don’t have enough money..” and she would explain to me, cent by cent on what she had spent. Those were old memories. As a child, she never indulged in wasting money. In fact, she always asked me to buy things she need, and even though I did buy them sometimes,, I also said to her, ask your father, she will reply, but I feel so sorry for ayah….Even though at that time I thought, “bertuah punya budak!!”, at the same time I was happy that as a daughter she had that feeling of affection and compassion for her father.

It is a peace of mind to see children who I used to see as little children grow up and become good individuals who respect parents and the elderlies no matter what. It saddens me to hear news of abandoned parents who were left to their own device by the children that they raised with their sweat and love. It saddens me to see how children when they grow up talked to parents as if the parents owe them something, with no respect and no fear about hurting the parents’ feeling. They treat the parents as if the parents are the ones who need them and they don’t need their parents. It’s even worse when the children still take money from the parents.

No matter how wrong your parents are in your perception, which could be wrong anyway, as long as they never abused you sexually, they are still your parents, deserving respect and good manners from you, always. Heaven is under the parents’ feet indeed!

Little problem

2010-01-07T09:54:00.003+08:00

I had no problems so far when dropping the children at school but this morning, Emir, upon waking up in the car refused to go to school and his excuse was he wanted to follow mummy. He didn’t want to get off from the car at the school. He seemed really adamant not to come down from the car.

I hated to lie to my children. I feel guilty when i did it but I didn’t want to physically force him. So I told him that I needed to see his teacher to inform her that he’s not going to school and I asked him to come with me. Being smart, he asked me to go by myself and leave him in the car to wait. I made excuses about not leaving children alone in the car. He didn’t budge. I told him, "Papa said to me, I cannot leave the children alone in the car. It’s too dangerous!" He pondered a while maybe thinking that’s his daddy's instruction, maybe he thinks I was right after all, he finally obeyed and came with me.

In the school, he hanged on to me, refusing to let me go.

To say he was not happy at the school may not be correct because it was only yesterday that he didn’t want to come home from school when I asked him to leave. Every evening I waited half an hour to get my children ready to leave for home.

Nevertheless Emir’s behaviour this morning worried me. Because it was not normal for him. He was really crying when the teacher restrained him from following me back to the car. He was never that difficult to be left before. Was he sick? Was he missing me after spending days and nights continuously with me during the holiday? Was he tired? Was he having a bad time in school? All kind of questions raced through my mind.

I hope he’s okay. I called this morning and one of his teachers said he’s okay and had already played with his friend. That kind of calmed me down a bit even though I still worried. I also worried that he thinks I had tricked and lied to him.

The thing about Emir is, he’s going through his “terrible 4” time afetr passing the "terrible 3" time....after passing the " terrible 2".... ! He’s a bit naughty now and more playful than before. He also seemed to have this attitude that if he thinks he’s not being treated right by his sister or friends, he would pull their hair or pinch them. Maybe these were done out of frustration from a small boy. He got punished every time though. Not severe punishment but out time and writing sentences. Maybe he got punished too often and he started not to enjoy school anymore. Or maybe this is just a phase that will pass. Well, these are just my guesses. I will certainly discuss this with his teachers later today. I will certainly try to reduce scolding him for a while for small misbehaviour.

I really hope he's okay now.

What a holiday!

2010-01-04T11:01:00.001+08:00

I am back after a long… holiday. Well, I always take an extended holiday at end of year with my family. I haven’t been updating. I like to wish Happy New Year to everybody.

During the holiday we brought the children to Hong Kong and stayed for 10 days. Why Hong Kong? Well it started with me promising Fatini months ago to take her there after some of her friends came back from Hong Kong Disneyland. Since then, week after week she will follow up with my promise.

At 10 days we had enough time to visit Disneyland for two days and Ocean Park for 2 days. Other days were spent touring around the city on double decker bus, lingering around the famous Victoria Harbour at sea as well as at the port by day and by night.

There were also sufficient time to rest in between days so that the kids were not exhausted from too much activities.

This was my first time in Hong Kong and for me it was a pleasant surprise even though everything was so expensive. My advice will be to bring lots of cash and credit cards when visiting. Change your cash at the airport or money exchanger as hotels and banks do not accept RM for exchange. Banks may charge additional fees.

The cities were clean and the public transports were reliable. Bus was cheapest and MRT for four people was expensive. Taxi’s cost is as expected and we had used taxi for the first few days before we knew our way and started to take the bus. The kids wanted to ride on the bus anyway.

People seemed very busy and the street sides were as busy as Oxford Street in London during sales seasons. Hong Kong people are stylish and well dressed for most of them.

As for the kids, they had a good time and bought lots of toys. It’s very difficult to say no as toys were everywhere especially at the theme parks. I told Fatini there will be no new toys until next December!

Some pictures for memories.

Performance of the year

2009-12-10T09:31:00.002+08:00

Last Sunday, as per previous years, Fatini and Emir’s school had their annual concert. I can only say that I’m proud of my children’s show of confidence as I am sure other parents there did too of their children that evening. I enjoyed the concert tremendously.

Picture showed some of the shows.

Chinese song and dance.

Cowboy dance.

Dancing with Castanets.

South American dance, forgot what it's called.

So Long, Farewell... from sounds of music

Fatini emceed the final curtain

And the ever supporting cousins Nabilah, Hakeem and kak Deea... and the mummy offcourse

The little warrior in action

2009-12-07T13:24:00.003+08:00

Last Sunday, Fatini was scheduled to take the exam for the taekwondo grading. She has only started a dfew months. I realised that Fatini has many hidden talents which she didn't show to me. I meant, I never expected anything from her, I just wanted her to have a good time. However watching her perform the taekwondo, I can see how dedicated she is towards anything that she did and how responsible she is. She just filled me with admiration for her. I'm so proud of you sayang.

Happy Birthday Emir

2009-12-07T12:33:00.003+08:00

On 5^th December 2009, Emir was finally 4 years old. I had his birthday party done 2 weeks plus earlier because of expected busy times during this time which is absolutely true.

Emir, you are a joy to my life. You have become so handsome and grown so tall. You are also very smart, capable and compassionate. Your mind sometimes surprises me with its brilliance and sharpness I didn’t know you possess for such a small person your age. You are also very responsible and very caring. You have a sense of fairness and always try to be fair to your love ones.

At four years old, you can talk very well now and sometimes non stop. You are not afraid to speak up and will voice out your mind to people. I love listening to you and your refreshing accent.

You want to sleep only with me by your side. When you were very little, which was just a couple of years ago, you didn’t want me out of your sight! However, I notice now, you have become so much more independent and it’s okay when mummy leave you to go somewhere else for a while. Even though it is more convenient to me now, in my heart I felt a twinge of sadness that you don’t depend too much on me anymore. When I wanted to go out and I told you to stay home and you said “ok mommy” with your ever beautiful accent, instead of crying, it pulled that sadness string in my heart.

You also liked to praise me, saying I’m pretty, and you know what, coming from you, it means a whole lot to me!

Emir, do you know that mummy really love to smell your smell, have you sit on my lap and have you snuggled closed to me. When you hit your sister during one of your naughty episodes and I warned you to give your sister away, you said “ No, I don’t want that!”

My heart swells with pride to watch you feeling secure and your confidence growing day after day.

And I hope to persevere that feeling of security and protect you from any harm.

I have thousands of words to say but it’s impossible for me to pen them down here.

All I can tell is I love you so much and you have been the greatest joy to me. I pray you turn out to be a good responsible person and that you be successful in your life.

Qurban

2009-12-02T15:52:00.003+08:00

Last Sunday was one hot day in the farm at Meru. I joined my husband’s group of friends in making Qurban, slaughtering of 2 cows and 2 sheeps. The men were working on the animals. I couldn’t watch though and didn’t let the children see the actual slaughtering for fearing of misunderstanding as they are still very young.

Emir remarked that the men were wicked men! But fortunately the kids didn’t give much attention to the activities as they busied themselves with more interesting past time with the horses and goats on the farm. The women helped with the onions, tomatoes and carrots. Easy job for us.

The meat was distributed to the poor people round the village, a shelter for girls, and the Rohingya refugees. We did cooked some meats for a late lunch which was served garden tuscan styled under the trees. Very nice indeed. Everybody had a great time even though the weather was quite hot and sweaty. I didn’t take picture, but I did record some scenes on my camcorder. This one picture was snapped by Emir.

Emir

2009-11-24T09:45:00.002+08:00

Emir’s receiving his year end graduation from the Edudrama class. It’s end of year cum Christmas celebration. The class will be closed and continue after new year. The kids have been enjoying the classes and I have no reason not to continue. As long as they are happy. One thing is Saturday morning will never be a free time for me. However, I am enjoying every moment of the busy"ness" of being a mom to almost school going kids.

I am proud of Emir. He has been progressing very well. His "pelat" ness is almost gone even though I feel his speech has accent of baby talk which I love so much. It makes him very endearing. However he's growing very fast in terms of physique (he's tall) as well as mental capabilities. His cheekiness and boyish naughtiness have been on the increasing trend as well and I'm trying to curb it and have been lecturing him. He's been a good boy 99% of the time. I'm so proud of him. I love you Mir.

At Nabilah's party

2009-11-24T09:36:00.003+08:00

End of year has always been busy times of the year. For me, it’s filled with birthday parties, school graduations and holiday plans. Last Saturday was the kids’ cousin, Nabilah’s birthday party at their home. We spent the whole afternoon there. There was a magician show and see the children’s face. They were really fascinated with the show. I think I will hire the magician next time around.

Emir's birthday party

2009-11-16T09:52:00.003+08:00

We had Emir’s 4th birthday party last Saturday. It was Emir’s first party. Everything went superbly well after all and the birthday boy was so happy and proud. There were 25 children including his cousins attending. I won't write much as the pictures will tell more stories than I could pen down.

Not so smoothly

2009-11-13T15:51:00.003+08:00

I had planned Emir’s Birthday party for tomorrow afternoon. So I made arrangement starting about two and half weeks ago. The invitations went out and since I got very good responses from his school mates and there are limited spaces for the party, my invitees were limited to the school mates and cousins. I had worried about too many children and not enough provisions as almost everyone invited save a couple confirmed their attendance.

So I maximized my order of food and children places. I also added more activities for the children. I bought and prepared the party goodie bags. I thought everything went quite smoothly by beginning of this week and was just getting ready for the party day. My children were excited. Everyday they were asking about the upcoming party.

Until a couple of days ago… when things were supposed to go smoothly something unexpected just have to happen. One of the classes was infected with Hands Foot and Mouth disease. One by one, parents called me cancelling the attendance as their children was infected. I felt sorry for the children, but at the same time I couldn’t help feeling disheartened and disappointed that things didn’t go as smoothly. Why did it have to happen around this time? I felt like crying. So far about 6 of them had called to cancel and it's just days away from the party. I have about twenty more children in total, and I’m waiting nervously for any further bad news.

I really hope no more sick children. I hope everything will go well tomorrow. It’s Emir’s first party! I just want it to be memorable for him.

Outing

2009-11-13T10:24:00.002+08:00

Last week Fatini asked whether she could follow her friend Leah to the rabbit farm at Bukit Tinggi. When I talked to the mother, she asked whether I would like to join her together with another of Fatini's friend's mom. So on Saturday afternoon we met at one house. 3 mothers and 6 kids. The children waited excitedly for each other and talking incessantly. It was fun watching them.

We decided to go with two cars, Fatini wanted to ride with her friends, so we exchanged children between us. Another boy and Emir rode with me however Emir was so upset because according to him Fatini was his best friend and he wanted Fatini to be with him. Awww Emir…..Mummy knew you love Fatini so much!

It was hot in the afternoon but as soon as we reached the rabbit farm, it started to rain. Well, the rain didn’t hinder the children, and far from dampening their spirits.

My camera ran out of battery soon after, how forgetful of me to charge the battery. Well it was raining heavily afterwards. We continued the climb to Colmar Tropicale. They managed to play amongst themselves, blowing bubbles and did some sand art.

It was dark when we decided to leave the place.

Meeting of the young at hearts

2009-11-03T09:59:00.002+08:00

We had a get together recently after umpteenth year of absence since college days. It was a wonderful, wonderful time. One friend had offered to be a host and therefore we met at her lovely home. Hours went by and nobody stopped talking yet. Next meet, I heard they were talking about me to be the host! They promised to wash the plates and do the clean up afterwards ….

The Witch and the Pumkin

2009-10-30T09:36:00.002+08:00

Today the children are going to have a Halloween Party at school. So they rose up early, very happy and excited to put on the costume even though I think Fatini preferred another costume than witch. But I bought that one for last year and I don’t want to buy another one. She, being smart and a little envious perhaps, mentioned it though, about Emir getting a new one, because Emir had a Spiderman suit for last year. "So what happened to the Spiderman suit, did you throw it away, mommy?"she had asked me. But I feel that the Spiderman suit is not suitable for the party so I bought another one. Emir may have grown out of the suit anyway.

They scared their daddy to death (pretend only) this morning.

To you!

2009-10-27T12:06:00.004+08:00

The other day one very back dated racist human being said to me in his effort to initiate racial bashing, “Easy for you, your children will get paid by the government for her schooling because you are Malay” He said that because I was chatting about children with the mother of my kids’ friend who happened to be a foreigner.

He tipped me off. Let me steam off...

"Let me tell you b******, Firstly, between me, and my family circle, we paid huge amount of tax, an amount I’m sure is well above what you paid your whole lifetime if you ever pay a cent!

Secondly, my children are born with sufficient wealth, inheritance and abundance of good luck and blessing from God. So far their upbringing which is possibly higher than your monthly salary are being paid by ourselves. And even should we were under the communist government in the future, or whatever government, they will be doing well for themselves! Because that’s what I strived them to be. They are not going to fail because of a government.

Thirdly, I guess you want the government to give you money, for free…

Stop blaming others for your weakness and failure."

Letting go

2009-10-26T14:43:00.003+08:00

I had loved this car. It held memories of me and my kids as we spent so much time in the car everyday. It was so messy inside all the time. The back seat was permanently fixed with two big children car seats that I couldn't take any additional passengers. It was full with toys, pillows and books which my kids had used day after day to keep them comfy and well occupied as we bulldozed through the traffic every single day. The back windows were splattered with stickers. I had the car since Fatini was just months old.

Sadly it was time to let go.

Meet again

2009-10-19T09:45:00.002+08:00

Last Saturday, we went to a wedding in the afternoon in KL. The wedding was nice except that I heard the wedding had no blessing from the bridegroom's family, (how come?) therefore there was no representative from the male's side. What a pity as it was a beautiful wedding. I was imagining how the bridegroom must have felt getting married in the absence of his parents, and I was wondering what could be more important than giving your son your blessing and presence on his special day.

Then we went to a Hariraya invitation of my long lost friend who I got in contact with recently after so many years. She has recently become my colleague’s neighbour and had by chance mentioned about me. Then we followed by a phone call. I was quite close to her back in school as we represented school in one of the activities that required us to work together for 2 years in form 4 and 5. The last time I saw her was after our SPM result. After which everybody including her disappeared from my life.

I was so happy to finally meet her and she couldn’t believe I could come to her fabulous house. She looked exactly the same to me as she was back then.

There also, I met my history teacher when I was in lower secondary class. It was an additional pleasant surprise. For I kept on saying, I couldn’t have recognized him should I met him elsewhere. To me, he looked totally different (my memory about him was a bit different) but my friend thought he looked exactly the same and they had met accidentally anyway and she had recognized him immediately. He’s a big man now being a director of one of the government branches. I still remember fondly of some teachers who I really want to meet again but the opportunity has not come yet.

Wow, I was talking non stop to them, I hardly ate anything. It’s like me being carried back to my school days. My former teacher saw Fatini and remarked that that’s how I looked back then. Really? Fatini is now confirmed takes after me, he he.

I was in a boarding school throughout my secondary years and I guess maybe I didn’t really enjoy being there that when the time came, I could hardly wait to leave the school finally and never looked back. I did very well in school though scoring highly in all the public exams considering those times we didn't have so many "A" scorers. Anyway by fate, my destiny in tertiary education took quite a different route from the rest of my friends. When I worked, I met none of my secondary school friends either. We had no internet facilities back then nor did I have a handphone. Not to mention I only had Astro connected to my home in 2003!

Now with facebook, internet network, etc, etc I began to get in touch as one by one contacted me or I contacted them. Well, better late them never. Meeting my secondary school friends feels different from meeting other friends because I grew up with them. My most sensitive tender teenage years were with them. Days and nights were spent with them without our parents. Most teenage problems and all heartaches that accompanied it were solved by ourselves. We cried alone ourselves and managed our growing up years together. There was no supporting words from parents in their absence. Our life was guarded by wardens, teachers and prefects. Peers pressure was so felt back then but friendships formed were also strong.

Now decades later we meet again. I really like to meet more of my old friends. Only time will tell.

One Malaysia

2009-10-12T16:19:00.003+08:00

Last Saturday Fatini had put on her Divali costume to join in the celebration at school. Happy Divali!

Mother

2009-10-08T10:35:00.001+08:00

The Role of the Mother

I would like to share this article so that we are well versed with our roles as mothers. For me I always take the roles seriously for I have to answer for it in the hereafter. Bless for all mothers in the world.

Article produced from a moderate Islamic website on the internet. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Every society is made up of blocks of family units. The stronger each block is, the stronger the structure of the society. Families are thus the building blocks upon which rests the fate of society. For the development of good families, the mother plays a vital role. Many women today have aspirations of progress in their careers, and degrees in various fields. However it is indisputable that the most important achievement of a mother is the raising of sensible, virtuous children who will then move on to build other strong blocks for society. It has been said that it is easy to bear children but it is difficult to raise them well. In that lies the challenge for all mothers.

Islam’s respect for the Mother

A Muslim mother has a valued and dignified role. Her contribution is acknowledged and appreciated. Her unparalleled gifts to the child have been aptly described by Imam Zaynul `Abidin (a) in Risalatul Huqooq – The Chapter of Rights.

It is the right of your mother that you should appreciate that she carried you [in her womb] the way nobody carries anybody, She fed you the fruits of her heart which nobody feeds anybody. She protected you [during pregnancy] with her ears, eyes, hands, legs, hair, limbs, [in short] with her whole being, gladly, cheerfully, and carefully; suffering patiently all the worries, pains, difficulties, and sorrows. Till the hand of God removed you from her and brought you into this world. Then she was most happy, feeding you forgetting her own hunger, clothing you even if she herself had no clothes, giving you milk and water not caring for her own thirst, keeping you in the shade, even if she had to suffer from the heat of the sun, giving you every comfort with her own hardships; lulling you to sleep while keeping herself awake.

The foundation of the family is laid with the decision to marry, and the importance of the mother is evident in Islamic teachings beginning with marriage, conception and then child rearing. The following points illustrate how Islam sanctifies the role of the mother

Emphasis on choosing a good wife

Islam advocates choosing of a wife based on moral characteristics. The Holy Prophet says: Marry into a decent family, for genes have effects. He is also reported to have encouraged Muslims to marry virtuous women in order to have virtuous children He has condemned those who look only for wealth and /or beauty when choosing a spouse.

Respect in this world

A mother commands great respect from her family. She is to be obeyed, and venerated. The Qur’anic verses which talk about the rights of parents include the mother. However the Holy Prophet (s) has enjoined goodness to the mother even before the father. A man once came for advice to him, as to who he should be good to. The Prophet (s) advised him to do good to his mother again. Three times the man asked, and three times the Prophet (s) told him to do good to his mother. At the fourth time, the Prophet (s) told him to do good to his father. This well-known story clearly illustrates the position of the mother in Islam.

Respect in the Hereafter

The famous hadith of the Holy Prophet (s) says: Jannat lies under the feet of the mothers. A woman came to the Holy Prophet (s) and asked why going for Jihad was not obligatory on women. She was afraid that women were barred from achieving the great reward for those who fought and died in the way of the Almighty. The Prophet (s) explained to her that a woman was a fighter in Allah’s way from the time she became pregnant up to the time she delivered, and from the time she began breast-feeding till the time she stopped. If she died during that period, her position would be that of a martyr. To raise a virtuous child is one of the greatest good deeds. It continues to bring reward even after death.

Holy Qur’an on the Mother

Allah says in Sura Luqman:

And We have enjoined man in respect of his parents - his mother bears him with faintings upon faintings, and his weaning takes two years - saying : “Be grateful to Me and to both your parents, to Me is the eternal coming. (31:14)

And in Sura Ahqaf He says:

And We have enjoined on man doing of good to his parents; with troubles did his mother bear him and with troubles did she bring him forth; and the bearing and the weaning of him was thirty months. (46:15)

In both the above verses, although both parents are mentioned, the mother is singled out as she bears a greater responsibility and ultimately a greater reward.

Two mothers are mentioned by name in the Qur’an. When Bibi Maryam, the mother of Nabi Isa (a) suffered the pangs of childbirth, she wished she was dead. She was all alone and worried about what was about to happen to her. At that time Allah consoled her and told her not to grieve. She was provided with fresh dates and water. She was also told to fast for three days by abstaining from talk, and Allah made the baby talk to prove that he was a miraculous baby (19:23-26). The mother is shown concern and consideration for her state. Allah does not abandon her, or reprove her by telling her that she is privileged to give birth to a Prophet. Although that was true, motherhood entails great difficulty, a fact recognized by the Qur’an.

Another mother mentioned by the Qur’an is the mother of Prophet Musa (a). When she was told to put her baby in the river, she was given an assurance that the baby would be returned to her. Allah knows the love of the mother, and knows it is difficult to give away one’s child. When the baby was picked up by Firawn’s wife, he refused to suck the milk of any foster mother. Prophet Musa’s sister then suggested that they try her mother. Mother and baby unite, and Allah’s promise was fulfilled. (Sura TaHa 37-40, Qasas 7-13)

Qualities of a Mother

A good mother has outstanding qualities. No one can replace her in the life of her children. The following are some of the things which make her so unique.

1. A deep love for her children

A mother’s love is unmatched. Whether young or old, healthy or handicapped, troublesome or obedient, the child is still beloved to the mother. This love may be displayed in various forms. Sometimes children misinterpret scoldings and rebukes to be a sign of lack of love. It is important to assure the child that he is always loved, even when his behavior warrants disciplinary measures. Such a child becomes confident and happy, and will never seek solace elsewhere. The love of the mother becomes a source of happiness and peace at home. Children feel attached to the home because of the mother.

2. Sacrifice and dedication

A mother gives up a great deal for the sake of the child. She gives up her time, her sleep, her pleasures etc. to ensure that the child is all right. As Imam Zaynul ‘Abidin(a) says in his book Risalatul Huquq (mentioned earlier), nobody comes even close to doing what a mother does for her child. That is why he says that it is only with help of the Almighty that one can thank the mother for all her sacrifice and efforts.

A good mother places the needs of the child, both physical and emotional needs, first. This is an important point to keep in mind, especially in these modern times. Women today are deluded by society into making their own careers and jobs more important than their homes. The home will always remain a woman’s most valuable work and that may require all types of sacrifices. It is not really a sacrifice, but is an investment which will reap great dividends.

3. Protection and security

A mother always tries to safeguard the child from danger and difficulties. However some mothers tend to be over protective. It is wise for the child to learn to face some problems in life, according to his age and circumstances. A coddled child will be unable to face the realities of the world when he grows up, a world which will not be as considerate of him as his mother.

The role of the Mother

A window of the child to the world

When a baby is born, he is totally unaware of the outside world. The mother plays an important part in introducing him to the world. The outlook that the child will form towards life depends a lot on the mother. His attitude, his views - religious or otherwise- his perspective on life and its goals, will all be gained from her. Eventually he will mature and perhaps form his own changed views, but the initial years and what he learns in them will always have a lasting impression on his mind.

Model for the child

Since the mother is the most important person in the life of a child, she is greatly revered. Her habits and behavior become a model for the child. Whatever the child observes from her, such as her housekeeping habits, her manners, her relationships with others, the way she spends money, and in general her lifestyle, will all undoubtedly affect the child’s character. A mother is said to be better than a hundred teachers. Her emotional strengths and weaknesses are an example for the child, and will be followed for many years to come even though all of it may not be worthy. People have been reported to be following their mother’s ways even when they know the mothers were wrong. It is almost like an unconscious reaction, and it takes effort to behave differently. Thus mothers have an important task of setting forth a good example. It may seem difficult, even impossible. Many mothers think it too great a burden to be acting near perfect all the time, even in the familiarity of their own homes. However it is a good training. What mothers will change in themselves for their children will become a habit, and will lead to a real change. It is not perfection that Islam demands from mothers, but a willingness to accept the responsibility of modeling good acceptable behavior.

Many great people remember their mothers and the role they played in nurturing their greatness. Syed ar-Radhi, the compiler of Nahjul Balgha, mourned the death of his mother greatly. He wrote a poem for her in which he says:

O Mother! I cry and shed tears for your separation hoping that perhaps the burning drops of tears coming out of my sorrowful eyes may melt and remove the mountain of sadness from my heart.

O Mother! You were such a precious jewel and valuable pearl that for getting you released from the plundering enemy’s hand I would have sacrificed everything in my possession as your ransom. But Alas! The death ahs snatched you away from my hand and nothing can be taken back from its deadly claws.

O Mother! If all the mothers of the world would have been righteous like you, indeed the children of the world would not have required the presence of their fathers.

O Mother! All are witness that you were an honorable and noble lady because you have handed over decent and noble children to society.

Excerpts from Meeting the Pious, Ash-Sharif ar-Radi

Shaykh Mutaza Ansari, a great Shi`a Jurist also wept bitterly at the death of his mother. One of his scholarly pupils reproached him, saying it did not befit a learned scholar to agonize so much over the death of his mother. The Shaykh replied: It seems you are not aware of the high status enjoyed by a mother. The proper training given by this mother of mine to me, and the numerous hardships borne by her for my sake elevated me to this position. The initial training given by her to me paved the way for my making all this progress and acquiring this high status in the world of knowledge.

Strengths of a Mother

The following qualities need to be acquired by all mothers.

Awareness of responsibility

Motherhood is a career, and those who take it up must try and excel at it. It is the duty of every mother to look into better techniques and strategies of parenting. A wide variety of material is available, both Islamic and secular. Although Islamic material may not be abundant in English, many secular books and magazines are published about parenting. Reading these from time to time helps increase awareness and vision. When a mother reads about problems that parents face, she is comforted by the fact that she is not alone. That is very reassuring as often parents assume they are the only ones having difficulties. Also, reading about solutions used by other people, or advice given by psychologists etc. helps broaden the choice of possible tactics in dealing with children.

Setting clear goals

A mother has to know what she expects from her children, and then explain that to them. It is not enough to want good children. The children must know what exactly is expected from them, and what the mother wants them to do. Sometimes a mother tells the child to lay the table properly. Because it has not been explained to the child what properly means, he does it the way he thinks it right. The child may consequently be blamed for being sloppy, lazy etc. for not setting the table right. The frustration and heartache could have been avoided if the child knew exactly what was expected from him, rather than a vague order to lay the table. The same can be applied to all chores, behavior with others, academic achievements etc. The mother must have definite goals of what she wants, and make them clear.

Encourage children according to their potential

Each child comes with his own distinctive potential. The Holy Prophet (s) has said: Human beings are like mines of gold and silver. Children have abilities that could lead to great achievements. Some show skill and interest in a certain area, while others prefer a different one. Apart from not trying to compare children with one another, a good mother tries to bring out the best in each child. She makes the child develop his skills in whatever area he is good at, as well as remedy the weakness in each child. If one child is very shy, for example, the mother should not demand that he socialize and interact with others the way his siblings do. Some mothers unwittingly put their children through a great deal of embarrassment and humiliation. The child must be taught to overcome his shyness. Some books on shyness may help. Or the mother could give practical suggestions of what the child could talk about to others. A mother’s gentle guidance can remedy many a flaw and weakness in the character of the child.

Wise Words

1. Fortunate is the person whose mother is chaste and virtuous.

Imam Ja`far as-Sadiq (a)

2. Each one of you is a guardian (shepherd), and each one of you is responsible for his charges . . . so the man is a guardian over his family, and is responsible for them. A woman is a guardian over the family of her husband and his children, and she is responsible for them.

Holy Prophet (s)

Visit from childhood friend

2009-09-28T16:55:00.003+08:00

We were happy to receive an old friend and his family (actually his brother was my primary school classmate and he's my brother's classmate) who came to my mom's house in Melaka on the Hariraya. They are from Jitra. We had not seen each other since primary school. Ha ha Faiz told me he had been silent reader to this blog all this while.

I almost couldn't recognize him with his well built body and more grey hair... I thought he was so tiny back then, just joking.

We had an enjoyable long chat, and lots of recollection of childhood memories and talk of the carefree days. Wish could go back to those times and really love to meet all friends back then.

Tiada kata seindah lukisan...

2009-09-28T16:54:00.002+08:00

Selamat Hariraya to all... Maaf zahir Bathin....

The ending and the new beginning

2009-09-17T13:52:00.004+08:00

So the raya is coming…. I have been so busy both at work and at home throughout Ramadhan, I didn’t have time to make any entry on this blog. Time was hardly there and there was so much to do. Nevertheless I had great time spending time with my family in this month. It was heavenly to have dinner with my husband every single day, that is 26 days so far in a row, this does not happen during other months! And my kids have been splendid. We went out two times for breaking fast, we skipped all buffet places which was unwarrantedly so expensive and wasteful and went for ala carte places instead and pay only for what we need to eat. Other than that, it’s simple home cooking plus some bazaar food, if any.

It was so fun to shop for Fatini and Emir’s beautiful Raya clothing and shoes and we didn’t count that we bought a bit too many. And the cost, we rather not think about it… Yesterday I went to buy some more stuff for home and Fatini hair accessories since she’s so much into hair nowadays, she wants buns, she wants pony tail, clip here, clip there… hahaha she’s a fussy lass, my little girl!

I called my mom and we talked about who’s coming back and when and what we are going to prepare for hariraya. My mom has already kacau dodol, yummy…, my favourite exactly.

My sister already texted me, when are we going coming back to hometown... soon my dear...

I can already feel the ambiance…that subtle familiar feeling of anticipation when hariraya is coming, that little excitement, the coming holiday…. We are going back to my home town first and then my husband’s hometown and there will be lots of visit we’ll be making.

Most of all, I’m going to love spending time with my family and relatives and watching the kids having fun together.

Fatini didn't puasa....at the end of shopping spree.. she's so tired already.

This is daddy's little girl.

Once a while picture taken by the daddy

she likes to pose

Always make funny faces for me.

He stand in front of the sister to block her from the camera, typical Emir...

2009-09-02T15:38:00.003+08:00

A little deviation from routine

As swiftly as it can, 12 days of fasting have passed. I have been waking up promptly at 4.30 am every single morning. After the early breakfast, which for me and hubby, could be as simple as sandwiches and coffee, especially me, I just couldn’t swallow any rice, I didn’t go back to sleep. It’s just worthless to continue the sleep when I know I have to get ready to work soon. It will jut give me headache to wake up again so soon. Exception is on Sundays off course where time is more at my leisure.

So, I used the quiet uninterrupted moments to clean the kitchen, clear up any mess my children made the night before and get myself ready. In fact I enjoyed the early morning chores and felt like I have a lot accomplished compared to doing work at other times. I could even get to pick and choose what to wear to work. On normal days, I would just blindly grab anything thing that is hanging in the wardrobeThen I woke the kids up before they changed and once everybody rise and shine we set off to our destinations.

I could feel the effect of lack of sleep. If I allow it, I could doze off at my desk at any moment. And work at the office is as stressful as ever, and off course this makes the time flies even faster. Which is to my preference anyway.

Came 4 pm, by hook or by crook, I have to leave the office to avoid the traffic jam which I know would be massive and would start to pack as soon as 4 pm. I don’t want any additional stress especially from the traffic. On my way home, as usual I picked up the kids.

First day I picked them up early, the one most surprised was Fatini. She kept on asking me, repeatedly, why did I fetch her so early? The usual time was normally very very late and all of a sudden it was so early. And kids don’t like sudden changes and wanted explanation. I told her, not sure what to say, “It’s fasting month, I don’t want to be caught in the traffic.” I feel very sure she didn’t understand my reply and maybe wondered at the connection between fasting (which meaning she has not fully grasped yet) with traffic jam, what has one got to do with the other? Anyway, after getting no satisfactory explanation from me, she resigned. She asked again the next day though.

Arriving home, still in my working attire, I would be in the kitchen, applying my speedy skills to prepare for dinner. The kids behave themselves upstairs. Watching TV and sometimes my daughter would sleep for a while.
Emir would sometimes come into the kitchen, looking for me. I know he wanted me upstairs. But sorry sweetie, mommy’s busy.
Then hubby arrived home buying a kuih or two.

We haven’t been going out for the breaking fast even though there’s no lack of invitations either from my hubby or my side of acquaintances. It’s just that I feel it’s such a waste of time to break the fast somewhere ( we used to do that in previous years) and then by the time we got home it would be late, the children would be tired, and I would be extremely bloated and exhausted. I prefer that we break our fast at home in a simple manner and right after we could just rest at home. Then off to sleep. There's one that I plan to bring my kids to, though, which is to break fast with the orphans from one of the orphanages. That will be next week.

Last weekend, taking advantage of the extended weekend, we went back to Kedah. We left in the morning and the journey in the morning was quite comfortable and pleasant. The kids behaved surprisingly well in the car. They were excited to see Tok and Tok Wan. For me I have always enjoyed the visit back to my husband’s hometown.

Once we were there, other siblings started arriving, knowing we were there. As usual, the house was brightened up by cheers, laughters and jokes between cousins, aunties and uncles. We broke our fast over a vast variety of food, since there were many children.

There was also my favourite northern dish as well “lauk daging batang pisang”. You cannot get this outside Kedah, at least I never found it.

On Monday we left Tok and Tok Wan back to their routine and heading back to KL, to our home sweet home.

The first few days

2009-08-24T11:15:00.002+08:00

This month of Ramadhan will require me to tune in into new routines. Just a bit of adjustment. That is sleep late and wake up early. Not too much but an hour later and an hour earlier, respectively. Then make up the sleep deficiency on weekends. That will do, I thought.

I was lucky that the 1^st Ramadhan fell on Saturday. So happily, I woke up early for sahur that morning, hoping I could sleep in the afternoon. So afterwards, I did my routine cleaning, prepared breakfast for the kids, even got time to read my novel by some impressive amount of pages (before I couldn’t even get past a page at a time due to interuptions)

So while waiting for the kids at their routine Saturday morning classes, I was beginning to feel a bit heavy eyed and drowsy. I couldn’t wait to get home, I reckoned I had a couple of hours to sleep that afternoon before continuing with my chores for the day. That would be, oh! so leisurely. Nap during the day…a rare indulgence in my life. What better way to spend in the afternoon at home.

We got home after noon, and I so anxious to start napping, quickly fed the kids. Then I prepared milk, darkened the living room and switched on the aircondtion. “Okay, everybody time for nap… “ I announced. 1 hour later nobody slept yet!. Never mind, I thought, I will sleep and they can continue with their playing.

I thought I'd just slept a minute when Fatini woke me up, Mommy, I need to poo poo. Okay, I told her to go…. Then I went back to sleep. Another minute, Emir woke me up, “Mummy, Fatini is finished, she wants to wash” I saw Fatini got a helper to wake me up! I got up and did the necessary things. “Don’t call me again, mommy going to sleep a while, okay….?”, I pleaded and hoped.

But, hope was just a hope, another minute, MOMMY! Then another five minute, Mommy!, Another 5 minute again, Mommy !

Oh my god…when was the last time I could get a good nap? Honestly, I can’t remember. Anyway, I thought I’ve had enough nap for the day. I can always try again tomorrow., I concluded before I got up.

But Sunday was the same story. Somehow the kids didn’t nap at all over the weekends. Normally they did, but not this weekend. They were so engrossed playing with the toys and with each other and made heaps and heaps of mess. But every minute or two, for sure there will be “ Mommy !” or “ MOMMY!!!” at the top of their lungs. So, I gave up the idea of naps forever from my mind. Maybe in a couple more years,…haha

On the positive side, we broke the fast together at home for the past two days. That’s one of the things I love about Ramadhan, we always want to break fast with family.

We also went to Teraweh congregation at the small mosque located just in the vicinity behind our house. Emir has grown up and followed the father to join the males section. According to the father, who relayed to me so proudly, Emir completed 8 plus 3 rakaats of the prayer. He was not being playful, surprisingly. Fatini on the other hand was with me and she did marvelously 6 rakaats, It’s too hot, mommy!, she complained of the garments. “ I want to eat, she whined next. I had thoughtfully brought some goodies for her in my bag and she had her desires taken care of and I could have my peace.

I could see them growing up. Last year, they didn’t even bother to join in and just dashed here and there, mostly moving back and forth between me at the back and hubby at the front of the mosque. This year, they seemed to proceed naturally to the next level. They know nothing about the fasting yet even though Fatini certainly and excitedly knows what the Raya means.

This month promises to be a good one for me.

Happy Ramadhan to all

2009-08-21T15:29:00.004+08:00

I always take offence when the guy or lady by the side of the road smiled so sweetly to me before passing me the flyer “Stay slim for life” or whatever the catchphrase is. Of all people passing by, they picked me as one of the fortunate few to be advised of their product. Thanks!

Do they think I need it, huh? My mind couldn’t help wondering. How dare you…!

I read it though. Front and back. I looked at the pictures. Browsed through the product. So tempting! Maybe I should try out the product…Heh heh

Well I gave up on this slimming down thing, actually. Why torture myself….at this age, no, thanks. I feel really okay with my current size, 12 (UK), even though I prefer to be size 10. Size 8 is if only I'm a couple more inches taller. Otherwise 10-12 is just nice for me.

My problem is actually weight maintenance and toning. And I wish for bulges to be in zero existent. I really don’t want to outgrow the clothes another size. I really don't want to feel bloated and sluggish.

And I know my bad habits…
Sweet indulgences
Cakes
Kids leftovers (what a waste if I don’t eat all these food philosophy)
The love of food (any food for that matter)

The other day, when I was buying some food at the stall, I overheard the women at the stall remarked to the man standing next to me ,that he has lost lots of weight.
So (unabashed) I asked him, “Did you really lose a lot?” He said, “Yes, I lost 10 kg in a month!”. (He’s a big man).
“What’s the secret?” I asked.
“I jog everyday, morning and evening, and have no rice at night. Other than that I eat what I want.” “Oh really, I’ll try that,thanks!” I said.

That's real life example, I told myselft. Now I know the secret, but well, I haven’t even started to do anything at all till now.

It’s all common sense that works. Exercise, less fat and less carbohydrate. It’sfree, there’s no need to buy anything exclusive except a pair of jogging shoes perhaps. But why is it so difficult to do what common sense tells us?

So I welcome the coming of this Ramadhan where I will place new resolutions.

Remain healthy, sober, wiser and build more spiritual connection. I have the whole month. Hopefully I will achieve what I aspire to be. After 30 days, consistency will be more likely to become a habit. Need to be careful not to spoil everything on Raya day though.

Happy Ramadhan and selamat berpuasa to all.

New venture

2009-08-17T14:51:00.003+08:00

Some weeks ago we planted some trees around the garden. Isn’t it just about time? The garden has been bare before and it could be so hot under the strong afternoon sun.

We feel we need to increase shades around the house. And additional greens too apart from the grass. What better ways than to plant tall trees. So we called some planters to plant a few trees.

I was thrilled when the job was completed but the next day I found lots of dried leaves on the ground. Well, there’re really lots to sweep and clean. Is this going to be additional work for me?

I was concerned though about the survival of the trees and thus begin to water the plants diligently twice a day.

Apparently they are not additional burden for me. The trees are not shedding leaves anymore. I have noted with sheer joy and deep satisfaction that those trees are growing well and have already produced new young leaves, shoots and some have formed small flowers. I have watched the trees development every single day so I do notice every single change.

With the exception of two trees which somehow failed to thrive due to some mistakes during the early days (I think because of the soil does not absorb the water) where the leaves have all turned brown. I have watched with concern on these two trees. I watered them everyday hoping they will flourish back to life again. Obviously I need help with these, maybe professional help.

This planting trees venture has somehow have positive and therapeutic effect on me. It delighted me to see these trees thriving well. No wonder some people are so into gardening and planting. I just couldn’t wait for them to grow bigger and bigger and could imagine seeing the leaves swayed to the movement of the wind.

After this success, I just feel good enough to want to plant more. Somehow the ridiculously high cost of buying trees to plant has somewhat lost its petrifying power to me as the outcome is just indescribably worth it. It thrilled me to see them.

The kids also love the trees. When we first planted the trees, I asked Fatini what does a plant need to grow. Fatini’s answer was so correct, “ Water, Sun and Lots of Love , mommy”.

Now it becomes everyday routine to water the plants and the kids help spraying the water around wetting everything including the porch and my car, and themselves….and sometimes me to my agitation!

Some thing that just define Malaysians

2009-08-12T09:42:00.003+08:00

There were some less busy roads off Jalan Bkt Bintang which I took every single morning. I never had any problems. This morning was another story. I had a near miss. A what could have been a terrible incident that will mar my life to a certain extent if not for a life time. It was at a cross road. The bike didn’t stop at the stop sign. Luckily I was not that fast neither I was too slow driving. As I jammed by brake pedal hard in a sudden reflex action and the car stopped and I could feel the tyres dragged, and hoped against hopes that I could stop in time. By the time the car halted, I was just missing the bike maybe an inch that I could see the terror in the man’s face. He was right in front, so close, his eyes closed tight and face grimaced in such a way expecting some disaster to happen to him maybe death. And me, I didn’t even think whether there’s a car behind who will bumped into my car due to the sudden stop. Luckily the road was not busy and the car behind was too far and managed to stop.

The incredible thing was the biker started again, raised his hand to me as a sorry or thank sign and moved on. I could feel the relieve coming from him, maybe grateful for his life. As for me, I was so relieved too but stayed stunned there a minute unable to move, feeling white from the near miss and the what could have beens.

I could have hit the guy. He could have been hurt or died. Or I could have been hit from behind and get hurt myself. I really don’t want to be involved in any of those and have never had that kind of mishaps (God forbids) through out my driving experience.

Which reminds me of an accident happened to my sister when her daughter was only 5 months old and was in the car front seat. Her car was just a car passing through on the way for dinner with family and got hit by a car which was spinning out of control due to a drunk driver. The driver and the passenger in the car died, and this tells the extent of the accident. My sister at the time who was also 3 months pregnant was hospitalized and I cried for days for my niece who had head injuries and broken bones and had to go through multiple operations at one private hospital and we thanked God that she finally recovered. She was only 5 months old and now is a healthy 4+ year old.

Malaysian people are nice, polite to neighbours as well as friends. However I guess Malaysians are impatience and somehow when they want to go anywhere, they fail to plan the journey but they want to get there first. They feel good if they could outsmart other drivers and save a minute here and a minute there. They buy expensive cars but hate staying in the cars too long therefore will jump queue and if possible other drivers should stay away from their lanes because they hate to slow down.

It takes only two impatience drivers to do the same mistakes at the same time at the same place for an accident to occur. The probably of it happening is quite high, I would say.

Cowboy and cowgirl

2009-08-10T09:57:00.003+08:00

On Saturday we went to the fantastic cowboy / stampede day. It coincided with the kids' routine saturday morning class but since the venue was quite close to where the class was, I did my magic by driving back and forth transferring each child to and fro. We arrived so early at the venue, the registration desk was just opening, however we won one the early bird prizes! I was ecstatically happy since I hardly ever get such luck of winning any prize easily from anywhere. Anyway , both kids enjoyed the event tremendously with so much activities to do. It was so much fun even though the weather was quite humid.

What! No water?

2009-08-04T15:52:00.002+08:00

Yesterday, feeling exhausted I just wanted to reach home, cook dinner and just resting my body in front of the TV. But just when you needed the rest, the least expected happened. At home there was not a drop of water coming from the taps. I checked and checked the main tap with no positive result. I called the neighbour who said her water tank was giving her the night supply. I don’t know what happened to our water tank, but the maid came in this afternoon and may have used up all the water. Resigned with the fact and without any other choices, I used mineral water to cook rice and fried some chickens for the kids. Meanwhile I had let my husband knew about my sticky situation.

Once he arrived he suggested that we get ourselves overnight at the hotel. At first I was reluctant justifying that we could use the bottled water for minor wash etc. Anyway I just hated to waste money over an overnight stay at the hotel just because we didn’t have water supply. But when the kids started “ I want to poo poo, I want to pee pee” thing, that did it! I couldn’t imagine and couldn’t stand unflushed toilets. Telling the kids to hold on, we packed our bags and transferred ourselves to Hilton at PJ.

Fatini and Emir were happy to go out at night to the Federal Highway they forgot about wanting to go to the toilets just when an hour before they acted like it was so emergency.

The night was decorated with bright colourful lights coming from the streets, shops and the cars. I felt it was a nice view, maybe I haven’t been night outing for some time. The kids were so excited and treated last night as if we were on holiday. We checked ourselves in and got a nice room overlooking the highway. The kids were jumping around and finally once rested had their toilet routines. The bed and the temperature in the room were comfortable and after dinner the children fell asleep to my relief. I made myself a cup of tea, started on my novel again and finally dozed off to the slumber I had yearned.

Nothing interesting

2009-08-03T15:44:00.004+08:00

I still have the hoarsy voice today even though it's much better now. But I feel so sleepy possibly due to the prescribed drug I took. Last Friday had been a pain to talk and the kids were not letting me go easy bombarding me with endless questions which needed to be answered. Instead of torturing myself to talk I reverted to whispers but that sounded so funny. The funnier think was that Emir started to whisper too when talking balk to me and I really don't like that to become his habit. We ended up seeing the doctor in the neighbourhood that evening.

Lately Fatini had quite a regular nose bleeds, it happened almost everyday and this began to worry me. I don't know what's wrong and the amount of blood sometimes scared me. I had a strange feeling that it might be the Ribena she had religiously consumed everyday. So I put a stop to it for the time being using the elimination and observe tactic. She's quite obedient regarding all these health issues and had changed her drink to milo now. Since I stopped her on Ribena on Friday, the nose had not bled. Maybe it's too heaty for her but I'll keep an eye on her anyway. I had her drink more plain water as well, as I said to her, it's the doctor's order. She complied quite easily. She had eye irritation as well which the doctor said was conjunctivis however her eyes recovered quite fast having applied the prescribed eye drops.

Since I was not feeling well what with the medication and all, I felt sleepy throughout weekend and stayed in and slept through the days or otherwise got myself immersed in a novel. Emir wanted so much to go to the shopping malls for lunch and kept saying " I'm so hungry..." thing but he was not! For info I have started reading a novel again after so long and surprisingly had been able to do so without disturbance from the kids. It had been a long time since I put my hands on novels. I used to love to read so much.

Last night my friend living not far away texted me, saying her toddler son was drown in the pool however he managed to be saved and was recovering at the hospital. Thank god for that. My heart skipped a beat at first, however was relieved when she told me God has given her a second chance. Her youngest and only son has recovered. I don't know the details but she promised to tell me as soon as everything settles. I couldn't imagine the scare that she must have gone through. I pray to God we'll never have to go through such horrendous trial. My friend's house has a small swimming pool where her other older children swim regularly. Only last week she asked me whether my children like to attend the swimming lessons at her home as she had called a swimming instructor to train her children. I had to decline as the kids spend the whole week at day care.

I have always been worried about children in or anywhere near water unsupervised. Even now I don't leave my children alone in the bath tub. I know lots of people take this easy but there have been lots in the news where toddler got drown in as much as an inch of water.

We went to the swimming pool on late Sunday afternoon and for the first time Emir had gathered his courage and went down the water slides. He had been very scared to do it by himself before. Seems he is growing up fast before my very eyes.

This morning on the way to school/work Fatini and I witnessed a small accident on our right lane but big enough to cause a very loud thump with broken lights and dented bumpers. A car had hit another car in front which had tried to slot in through the small space in between and the young lady driver behind was not giving him any chance. Anyway when accident like this happen everybody is at inconvenience. For sure it caused a traffice jam, money and certainly they'll be late to work. Moral of the story is no matter how a jerk you see another driver, just give in to avoid accidents. That's called defensive driving. Secondly I would try to stay away from young drivers, they haven't gotten enough experience to have a sound judgement and predictive instinct. And stay away from trucks and trailers!

What a weekend!

Babbling time

2009-07-31T15:34:00.003+08:00

This morning I woke up to the ringing of the alarm clock, really wanted to continue sleeping but knowing better than that. I somehow lost my voice today since having a slight cough yesterday. It is really no fun talking today and when I do not have the wish to talk, somehow, there’s lot of things crop up, discussions etc and I just had to talk with this hoarse voice sounding very foolish indeed. However every now and then, it sounded like a romantic sexy voice though or I’m just trying to kid myself or dreaming perhaps in order to feel better about it.

This week it was a shopping season in KL and working in KL in a place that is within walking distance to the big shopping center, what else I could do but shopped. Truthfully said I found it to be a wonderful, wonderful experience to do this, it’s quite therapeutic in nature to be able to possess something new by just exchanging it with signatures on the credit card slips. It soothes my soul and makes myself feel good looking at the inventory of materials bought and it did not take a huge effort to just ignore the damages.

I can be compulsive to the extent of bankrupting myself but once I have done it to the extreme I will stop doing it for ages to come. It’s like when I have the urge to eat chocolate and I would buy the biggest box I could find of an expensive succulent chocolates that warmed my heart and soul as I devoured them and I would not stop until the whole box was vacant. But once it’s finished and I was fully satisfied, I wouldl remain so for the next couple of years and would not even look at the chocolate with any interest again. Until such time comes, when the desire returned but then the whole consumed calories have been wasted away.

There have been changes at the office as well and some are leaving to the greener side of the pasture. So there have been farewells at the office as well as after office hours. I don’t really like the after office affair except I felt compelled to celebrate for those who I have worked closely. Like yesterday, I went to spend some time with friends for a farewell of a colleague. I was there but my mind was in the state of hovering over the feeling of guilt for leaving the children behind and the need to have times for myself occasionally. However I found that I couldn’t wait to get home and once I reached home I was received by a beaming Emir who ran downstairs to greet me and acted so happily like he hasn’t seen me in months. My heart was filled with warmth of having seen him, gathered him in my arms and showered him with kisses as I carried him upstairs. I also acted as if I haven’t met him in months. Fatini was sleeping though. As I watched my kids I felt like I do not want to leave them for any length of time ever again.

The cute boy singing

2009-07-29T10:21:00.004+08:00

Emir took a stool, put on the hat he made in the art&craft class, took the guitar and began strumming and singing with earnestness that he possesses. (look at the way he hold the guitar hahaha). He looked so adorable (to me) that I quickly grabbed the camera and took shots.

Actually Emir sings all the time, in the car, in school, in the house, while doing his work... I can see he enjoys singing tremendously and musics seem to be next to natural to him. He sings english songs and chinese songs he learned at school, on the player and on TV. He appreciate musics. Lately I have been looking for the CD from his musicgarten class which I had misplaced (or Fatini had misplaced) so that I can play it on the player. I still haven't gotten around to do this searching thoroughly so I still haven't found it

Emir started attending musicgarten since he was 2 1/2 years old and Fatini since she was 4 years old. This class is prerequisite for them before taking any musical instrument. They learn to appreciate instruments, musics, rythms, tones etc. Fatini is at the stage where she will start on the keyboard next week. However Emir is the one who I can see more musically inclined and seems to have remarkable enjoyment in musics and songs.

I believe musics is essential for children in their early years brain development. I can't explain it but maybe the experts can. As for me, I'd like to sing and play but it's all in my head as far as I can do. I don't have any talents nor the voice nor the tunes inbuilt in me.

and there are 3 little girls ....

2009-07-28T08:55:00.001+08:00

There are three little girls Fatini, Mysara and Uzma who like each other so much but one of them live far away from the other 2 sisters. However when one knows the other was coming, they will feel so excited and will wait for the arrival of the other one. They are so excited to see each other and will play together the whole day long. They eat together and even take showers together.

There is also one little boy named Emir who always join the girls but since he was the only boy, he sometimes get bullied by the other three. He is always the one who has to become the monster and chase the girls who ran away in excitement. Emir is about the same age as Uzma. When they fight Uzma always win though and that's because Uzma is one determined little girl.

The two little girls called Fatini's mommy with "Mommy" as well which always melt the woman's heart.

The 3 little girls and 1 little boy will grow up and have many memories of times spent together.

Welcome to the world

2009-07-27T12:52:00.002+08:00

We welcome the latest addition into our family from my youngest sister Azizah who gave birth last Thursday. An extremely adorable baby girl, resembling very close to her two elder sisters. Still unnamed.

Welcome sayang....may God grace you with abundance of prosperity and success.

Vanity keeps me alive

2009-07-21T15:58:00.004+08:00

My genius conversation with hubby. Every time it crops up along this line.

Conversation 1

Me: I think I'm so fat now. What do you think? Am I looking fat to you? (me in front of the mirror in my new clothe)

DH: No...you're just fine ! (Lazy answer from him without looking)

Me: Come on…. Look at me and tell me the truth…(me scrutinizing my form)

DH: I like you the way you are (still not looking at me properly)

Me: Don’t say that! Just tell me the truth okay!

DH: Well, if you lose that flab a bit, it would be nicer

Me: Flab....? What flab? I don’t see any flab. (Now me twirling around really looking for those flabs he mentioned)

DH: Okay, No flab, you are just fine.

Me: Come on… tell me the truth….!!!! Am I fat or not?

Conversation 2

Me: Do you think I’m beautiful? (while checking my wrinkles and pores in the mirror)

DH: I don’t know

Me: What do you mean by “I don’t know”? You must have some opinion

DH: I think you are just okay

Me: What do you mean by just okay. I can’t be just okay to you..I'm your wife!

DH: Yes, you are beautiful, otherwise I won’t marry you (what a standard answer coming from him!)

Me: Why do you say that I’m beautiful, which part? (unbelieving but still want to probe further)

DH: Well, maybe your nose

Me: What! My nose… A nose cannot make someone beautiful. Come on why do you say I’m beautiful

DH: I don’t know, you nose, your mouth, overall maybe

Me: How can you say that? It’s illogical! Tell me truthfully, am I beautiful or not?

Haha, never get satisfactory answers until now. I’ll ask the questions again next time around.

Kuantan

2009-07-20T13:24:00.001+08:00

(who's this guy?)

It was a lovely time spending the weekend away.

We went to Kuantan for the weekend. I thought it was only a two hour journey. It turned out to be 3 hours and we arrived in the evening. But just enough time for the kids to splash in the pool. It’s been a while since we went anywhere to the east coast. However the roads still looked familiar to me as I have travelled this way so many times some years ago. I was delighted to see the town and the beach. It was amazingly beautiful. The kids had a great time especially Fatini. Came night time, Emir wanted to go home because he missed home and he said he wanted to water the plants at home. Emir was such a homely person after all.

School, kids and others

2009-07-17T09:55:00.005+08:00

Hahaha. I’m so happy. Yesterday, totally unplanned, I bought a digital camera. Not really unplanned as I have been thinking about it, it's just I didn't think it would be yesterday. (I’m really not sure whether I’d been conned on the price, I’m not normally a smart buyer. And since the shop wanted to charge me extra if I use credit card, I paid cash. Another mistake!)

But it’s been a while without me having a proper one since that fateful day when Emir dropped my RM1700 camera and stuck the zoom. Since then I didn’t have any. Instead I thought it was smart to combine a handphone with a camera and had bought my Nokia instead which has 5 MP camera. But now I want better quality pictures (my new one has 12 MP). And on top of the handphone I had bought a videocam which I regretted after because the battery life was so short. (Seems that I’m very good at wasting money!,)

Actually I have lots other reasons why I should buy a new one. My kids’ school projects, the holidays coming, my growing up children, etc etc. Lots of reasons….

Look like I’d be posting more pictures now. Not yet anyway, since I just fully charged it last night. This month it’s been shopping, shopping and shopping for me. The sales started everywhere and what else can I do during my lunch hour? The option is eat or shopping. I did both. So next month it will be a painful one for me when the credit card bill arrive.

Fatini has started her Taekwondo just after my posting on Emir’s last time. She wanted to do it. So both of them have been going to the same Taekwondo class twice a week and already have the uniform and white belts. So far they have enjoyed the class and never complain.

I have been busy checking private school for Fatini. I have actually registered her to the SRJKC because she wanted to do Mandarin at Chinese school, but thinking about long term planning and everything that going on now, I plan to send her to private school instead. It will be more convenient for me anyway since I’d be at work in KL the whole day. So I need a good, comfortable and a secure place for my children. Anyway Fatini and Emir are still doing the daily mandarin classes in the afternoon and I hope will continue.

Emir has made a major milestone. He has started reading three letter words. His phonic recognition is excellent. Mommy is so proud of you, Emir. Before this, Emir read a lot of books at a speed of 10 books within 15 minutes, Yes, 10 books! But by just looking at pictures and making up stories based on his imagination. He seems to enjoy reading which I hope it’s true. As for his pelatness, it’s improving a lot now!

As for Fatini, she has now become a fluent reader suitable for her age and can read books by herself. She can read English, Malay and Mandarin. Her Mandarin teacher really have good words for her. She said if you cover Fatini's face and ask her to speak Mandarin, people will think she's chinese from her pronounciation. Good job sayang.

Photoshoot

2009-07-14T10:31:00.004+08:00

The other day Fatini told me, just when she woke up, “Mommy I think when I sleep. Do you also think when you sleep?” O oh… my girl has started to be aware of her dream. “No, mommy don’t think when I sleep, Mommy dream….” I told her.

So from that time on when she woke up sometimes she told me that she dreamt. Yesterday she told me, “ Mommy I like croissant so much. At night I dreamt about eating croissant!” Now, she must be thinking about food so much.

Yesterday after picking the children up, the road was unusually jammed with traffic. If we take too long on the road, the kids would start telling me they want to shee shee. Which really irritate me because I have to find a place to stop and it was not easy considering the traffic was not moving. Anyway, somewhere in Tropicana I stopped at one gas station. The toilets were outside and guess what the ladies toilet was locked. Why do they lock the toilet? Bloody h*ll. My children couldn’t wait. The male toilet got a few men inside. So I went to the back, and let my children release themselves there. No choice! Anyway Emir got his pants wet. So I went into the gents toilet and clean the kids, and made one man wait outside patiently. I didn’t care anymore. Leceh betul….

I already planned to take the kids to the photo shop because I need some photos of Fatini for her primary school application. I had told the children so they were looking forward to it. So even though we were late we stopped at one shopping mall. I parked the car and walked in with the kids. Only one photo shop was there and the printing machine or whatever was down as they told me. Feeling disappointed for wasting my time I told Fatini maybe we could take the pictures tomorrow. She was unhappy about it and I didn’t have the heart to let her down. So back into the car, and we went to another part of the town.

Okay, so we found the shop at last and walked in. Emir took a seat first and started posing. The funny thing was he looked into the camera but as soon as the photographer counted to three he will look downward or side ways or up or shut his eyes. So every time the picture was snapped his eyes was either close or looking somewhere. After about ten shoots, and still no good pictures, the photographer gave up and asked Fatini to take a pose instead. Fatini being good finished after two snaps. Then Emir took the seat again, this time he completed after two snaps. Thank God!

A backward mind

2009-07-09T09:44:00.002+08:00

In my blog I really refrain from commenting on politics or anything close to it but this morning I was so upset when I heard the news that the current government reverses back the teaching of Science and Maths subjects from English to BM. They have lined up all measures instead to improve the children’s English by increasing hours in English Language class and increasing the numbers of English teachers. When I read the measures the more pissed I become.

This person whoever that is making the decision has missed it. The so called experts and specialists that were involved in the task force team or workshop whatever they called it have been misled. They are confused about English as a language versus the usage of English in Maths and Science subjects.

In English language classes, students do not learns science and maths!!!! English class is language class! Science and maths are technical subjects!!! Language subject versus technical subjects, get it? English teachers don't teach maths and science! The maths and science teachers are not language experts.

In language classes they don’t apply the Science and Maths terms and application!! In maths and science classes grammar don’t matter! In addition, they are so many branches of maths and sciences. For example, in Biology at A level grade there are lots of writing but hardly there's any language structure there, mostly facts and figures. A level Chemistry, Physics, add maths, where do we use so much grammar or full structure of sentences here? Don't even mention the local curriculum in these subjects for primary and secondary.

Maths, Science and technology do not originate from this country and our people hardly make significant discoveries in these areas. We learn from other countries discoveries and advanced research. Because theseother countries can afford to spend billions in research. Even in my field, the oil and gas industry, all programs, equipment, new technologies, even some experts etc are all imported.

So really, we don’t care whether children’s grammar is correct or not in English when they learn Science and Maths subjects. We want them to be familiar with the technical terms and application and this really help them in life. We want to create a new generation with broader mind here. There are thousands of children reference books in Maths and Science in English which are very well written whether local or overseas. These available references expand the children minds after learning some basics at school. At least our children do not become “ katak bawah tempurung”. What’s important is the knowledge and that they are at par when discussing these subjects with students worldwide. Their grammar in English as a language will improve as years went by and they grow up. These are not concerns.

So I wonder what are the actual problems?

Children and students are not the problems. You put them anywhere in this world and they will catch up very fast. Even if I send my children to Germany and get them to attend classes in German now, language or technical subjects, I bet they will have no problems in no time. That’s how absorbing, expanding and adaptable the young minds are.

If the problems are teachers, solve the teachers problems. Why do the children have to take the blow if inadequacy comes from the authority. Anyway, the teachers need not be perfect in English to teach Science and Maths. They just need to apply the correct technical terms. The medium of instruction can be mixed at this stage until they improve the teacher’s college curriculum.

Or is it the bahasa ibunda problem? Then improve and add additional hours on the local language classes!

Everybody wants the best for their children. The world is moving fast forward and we cannot reverse backwards. The rich will send their kids to private or international schools now. The average and poor ones will have no choice. Who constitute the rich in our country and who are the poor?

Ghost

2009-07-08T15:32:00.002+08:00

These nights it was so cold at night with the aircond on. It was so difficult to get up in the morning. However last night for whatever reason that beyond me, I woke up and couldn’t sleep. When this happened I will normally get out of bed and went to watch TV. Sometimes I even enjoyed the solitary moments in the middle of the night. However last night failing to return to sleep I decided to go downstairs to grab a drink. The house was quite dark with a couple of night lights here and there. However I noticed shadows seems to be everywhere. As I stepped down the stairs, I began to imagine long tussled hair ghost with white long dress lurking somewhere and everywhere and I began to feel scared. My imagination started to get wild (I hate it when this happened) so I avoided looking anywhere and especially at the windows when I was in the kitchen, too afraid I may see something horrid. The more I tried not to think of it the more images came to my ever so creative mind. Quickly I open the refrigerator and took out a drink and began to walk to the stairs again. I really wanted to dash upstairs like a scared chicken as I imagine the ghost following me closely behind but I refrained myself. “Cool, cool….there’s nothing there…” I read some verses quickly. Once upstairs quickly I opened the bedroom door and looked at my hubby and children. See, they are here, nothing to be scared of!!!” I told myself. I felt so relieved back to my sanctuary.

Hahaha. How come I still think of this at this age? Being scared in my own home! Well, all this occur because some months ago the neighbour told us that their maid saw a ghost outside the window around midnight. Well, it could just be anybody but I was feeling scared all the same. The conversation still played on my mind sometimes. I hate it when I remember these ghosts stories. It really scared me. I never watch any local ghost or horror story. I don’t like them and watching these movies are just pure tortures. I don’t mind watching the western Vampires movie though, somehow somewhere in my mind Draculas and Vampires are not that real. Local ghost is something else. Are these ghost for real? Nobody knows for sure. I hope they are not!

Well this morning I woke up not thinking at all about the ghost. It just seem so unreal at daylight. Fatini as usual woke up early as well since she slept early last night. I made her toast and marmite that she liked so much. She even had some time to read rhymes from the book while waiting for me to get ready. Emir was something else. He continued sleeping even as I transferred him to the car. I hope they will have good day at school today.